faithful

When I spent time praying for 2009, I firmly believed God was telling me that this year is to be one of FAITH.


FAITH in the church, FAITH in individuals, and FAITH in my life.

Up until this week, I didn't realize (or chose not to realize) just what God was saying to me regarding faithfulness and how it should play out in my life in this coming year.

Well, this week I chose not to ignore what God was speaking and spent time listening. What a time it was!

To sum it all up (and I'm sure I will share more in the near future), the words of these songs spoke deeply to my core:

I want to be found faithful
I want to be found steady
I want to be found faithful
To the end.

I want to be unmoveable and unshakeable
So let my roots go down
Unmoveable and unshakeable in you.

And I, I want to be like a tree
Planted by the streams
Of living water.

This will be my song, God
This will be my prayer
Til the end.

blessings.

Worship the Lord

Spent this weekend in Tacoma, WA at an IHOP (International House Of Prayer) event called One Thing. This came at just the right time. The past week has been one of real testing and total exhaustion. The speakers were excellent, though, I must admit that my high light of the weekend was the musical worship - especially when led by IHOP missionary, Justin Rizzo. This guy is annointed. Have a look for him on itunes or ihop.org
His songs are inspired by scripture and would well be worth a listen.

Sewer Walking

You and me, we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear
Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don’t speak
Join together in the silent snow
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night,but day
A pier
And you and me, talking.



**I cannot take credit for this. Heard is on a show and loved it**

google fun

1. Type in “[your name] needs” in Google search.
Denise needs her mouth wired shut

2. Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search.
Denise looks like SJP: Page 2

3. Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search.
Denise hates Barney video

4. Type in “[your name] goes” or “has gone” in Google search.
Denise goes after Charlies pension

5. Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search.
Denise loves ya - 27 - Single - San Bernardino

6. Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search.
Denise eats plants...ew

7. Type in “[your name] has” in Google search.
Denise has the kids in therapy

8. Type in “[your name] works” in Google search.
Denise works is on facebook

9. Type in “[your name] lives” in Google search.
Denise lives on at The Insider

10. Type in “[your name] died” in Google search.
Denise died in utah

11. Type in “[your name] will” in Google search.
Denise will do almost anything for $$

random

I can sometimes be a pretty random person. I think we can all be random at moments, and if we don't see ourselves as random, there is probably something wrong!

Having said that, there was a note flying around on facebook this week in which you wrote 25 random things about yourself. I jumped on the band wagon and wrote a note. I can't sleep at the moment, so I thought I'd share it here as well. Enjoy.

1. My family call me "Niecer." At this point in life, only my sister, 1 cousin and 1 friend will actually get away with calling me this to my face!

2. I have a bit of OCD when it comes to my hands being dirty! I hate when they feel dirty so I wash them a lot!

3. I love to travel, but hate take off's and landings

4. I have a secret obsession with Sean Astin! It all started with the Goonies!

5. In high school, myself and 2 friends were dared by some boys to watch "Porky's" - apparently those movies were considered 'risque' back in the day!

6. I love McCain's chocolate cakes! I haven't had one in years cause I'll eat the whole thing!!!

7. I despise liver!!

8. If I could work for 6 months of the year and travel for 6 months of the year, life would be amazing!

9. I played volleyball from 4th grade thru college.

10. I want to marry a man with a lovely accent (its not a must, would just be nice!).

11. I have lived in ON, NL, MB, BC (CAN) - CO, ME, CT (USA)

12. Hair in sinks (and around bathrooms in general) makes me gag.

13. I'm not a big fan of surprise parties!

14. I have green eyes, not blue - much to everyone's surprise!

15. I wear a watch everyday and feel naked without it.

16. My body temperature is generally about 2 degree's higher than the average. This made visiting hospitals and nursing homes during SARS in Toronto very difficult - they kept denying me access!!

17. I despise the smell of anything vanilla! yuck!

18. I have a fear of elevators and will do my best not to get in them with large crowds.

19. Large crowds in general make me feel queesy

20. Although I've lived in the DTES (slums of Vancouver), I have never been bitten by a bed bug!

21. I miss being able to shop the sale racks in the US

22. Having said the previous, I miss Target!!

23. I am not a fan on Lindor chocolate (unless its orange)

24. I do not like talking on the phone and will avoid it if I can.

25. I could consume slurpees daily - though i don't cause I know it would be all bad for my insides!

cardboard Testimonies

This spoke to me this morning.

Check it out.


Blessings.

God of this city

God has been showing me a lot these days,
even if I haven't been faithful in going to Him.
What a great God!

I take the train/bus to and from work daily.
Its not usually too bad, and gives me time to think and pray.
Seems as though Holy Spirit always shows up at these times
and makes me all emotional and weepy!! However, God has been
revealing much to me through it all, so I am not complaining.

When I'm on the bus I almost always have my ipod on.
Its not necessarily to avoid contact with people, but tends to be more to avoid discerning what is happening in each and every person's life!! That can be so very overwhelming and messes me up for my work day. I figure that if God really wants me to focus and pray for someone specifically on the bus, He'll put that extra pressure on me (its happened!), so I stay alert, but still avoid most discerning feelings. But I digress...

One trip last week had me listening to 'God of this City' by Chris Tomlin.
Its such a prayer for Vancouver (and your city/town!).
I listened to it and prayed for the downtown (that's what the train was passing).
My ipod was on shuffle, so a few other songs played.
As I hit another area of the city, the same CT song started to play!
I smiled to myself and prayed for that area of the city.
Then as we hit the area of my work, the song played again.
This time I chuckled, knowing that God was really wanting to press me to pray for Vancouver more often...so I did and am.

Are you praying for your city?
Do it!

Blessings.

Love

My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art mine.
For Thee all the pleasure
of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer,
my Saviour art Thou.
If ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I love Thee because
Thou hast first Loved me.
And purchased my pardon
on Calvary's tree.
I love Thee for wearing
the thorns on Thy brow
if every I love Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I'll love Thee in life
I will love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long
as Thou lendest me breath.
And say when the death dew
lies cold on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

In mansions of glory
and endless delight,
I'll ever adore Thee
and dwell in Thy sight.
I'll sing with the glittering
crown on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus 'tis now.

true beauty

Ok, so admittedly, I don't watch very much television.
There was a time (about 4 years ago!) when I'm sure I watched a lot more,
but since moving west for the first time (fall '05), I haven't watched much - I didn't even own a television for much of this time.

That said, there have been shows that I've gotten hooked on. I won't mention them all here (cause the comments of shock and awe might be detrimental to my health & well being!), but lately I've been watching a couple that have both made me laugh and cry (not literally) at the same time. I laugh at the stupidity of some people and cry at the sadness that this world offers in helping people believe what they do.

Let me just jump around a minute.
Reality shows. What do you think about them?
I have loved watching survivor in the past - human interaction, travel, strategy and playing the game - love it!

Back to the topic!
Lately I have been watching 2 reality shows on Monday night. They are back to back, so I don't even have to get up from the couch (wow! lazy! but we aren't talking about my lack of keeping goals here!). The 2 shows are:

The Bachelor
and
True Beauty

**please, no comments that will be detrimental to my health & well being!!** ;)

So the bachelor. Yes, deep down inside I am a girl who wants to meet and marry the man of my dreams. Would I ever do something along this line to bring that about? Never! Thankfully I have a faithful God who has promised to give me the desires of my heart - no matter how long I have to wait and attempt to be patient for it.
What interests me about this show is the means that these women will go to to get this guys attention. Its pretty disgusting in some cases. I know, I play into the ratings by watching when I could easily change the channel or even turn the tube off...I just can't resist. Watching the reactions and interactions of the people is just too interesting to me.

The show I've watched afterwards is called True Beauty. I'm not a big fan of it, actually, but I'm hooked. The idea of it is they've brought in a group of men and women who are competing (so to speak) to be America's most beautiful person. They go through various outer beauty things to gain respect of the judges. The kicker is that different scenarios are set up each week to see how much inner beauty each person has - did they give money to the charity on the corner? did they help the cyclist who hit the curb and flew off? did they hold the door open for the person with their arms full? Small details such as that.

Human nature has us all as sinners - even a baby learns to say "No!" very early on in life.
Society tells us we should help ourselves and focus on the outward before even thinking of what's inside.

The Bible says in Isaiah that my name (and yours!) is written on the palm of God's hand. It also says in Psalm 139 that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I was woven together intricatly in my mom's womb, that He formed my inner most parts, that He knows me well and that His thoughts towards me are precious.

Talk about true beauty!

Blessings!

goals

Its late. I should be in bed getting some zzz's. Yet here I am sitting by the fire, thinking about going upstairs to bed. Some day I will learn my lesson!

Are you a resolution making kind of person?
I don't believe I am generally, though this year I have made some goals for myself.

*stop biting my finger nails! This is such a disgusting habit that I've been caught in since I was a child. I have good years and bad years with this. I'll let you know how my nails look in '09!

*more time in prayer. This is a daily goal!

*more time in the word. My heart desires the word of God though my head does not follow through on the hearts emotions.

*healthy living. This could turn into a "woe is me, I need to lose weight" sort of deal - but that's not my goal. Being healthy and feeling that is my goal. While yes, I have (unfortunately) gained the 20 pounds (maybe more) back that I lost when I first moved to Vancouver, I'm just not feeling healthy. I am going to get out and walk more and watch what I'm eating. Healthy living.

In regards to my goals, I'll share some of what I wrote in my journal last night:

So far some serious suckage has happened in regards to the goals. I suppose that will have to be my goal for this week - to work on my goals. Sad.
Determination. Feels as though I lack determination. Thinking back, I think its whats been missing through a lot of my life. That drive to succeed. I just don't have it.

Would it be back to pray for determination? I don't want to be the kind of person who only has drive to get things done and lacks character and passion - but maybe a little more determination (mixed with discipline, of course) is just what I need for 2009. Hmmm....

Blessings.

connections

Its a new year. Everytime a new year comes around I wonder where the old one has gone! Seems to have flown by.
A lot happened in 2008. I lost a job, moved back to Canada then moved provinces, got a new job, live in a new house, made new friends, lost old friends (and by lost I mean we rarely speak anymore)....and a lot more.

Over the past 3-4 years I have spent a lot of time thinking about my connections with people and what they mean to me. They mean a lot. There was a time about 4 years ago when I would have been happy to have a lot of people around me, even if they didn't know the real me. As I have grown and matured this has definitely changed. Now I would rather spend time with 1 or 2 people who really know me well than be in a room full of strangers, so to speak.

I have spent some time in recent months mourning the loss of what I thought was a great friendship. So many questions came out of it - the biggest one being "where we really all that good of friends?" I would like to think we were, but to be honest I haven't been able to answer that question. We were connected, I thought. Rarely having contact with this friend has helped me to examine the type of friend I am and want to be. Its kinda sucked, actually. But I've learned not to place expectations on people and just let things be.

"Real connections, they can't be broken by time or space."
~God in Joan of Arcadia

I'm looking for real connections this year. How that looks in my life I don't know yet, but I'm sure to find out!

Blessings.

faith

Normally when I get on the skytrain in the mornings it is pretty jam packed - standing room only. Yesterday was no different. As we arrived at the stop before mine, someone sitting on the seat in front of me (I was standing) rose to exit the train, leaving the seat empty. I looked at the lady standing beside me and said "would you like to have a seat?" She responded "you don't want to sit?" To which I said "please, take a seat." She then gave me the funniest of looks and sat down.

There were probably a few reasons to why I offered her the seat:

1. I had only woken up an hour before. Why do I need to sit?
2. My stop was next - Why get up and down in the matter of 3 minutes?!
3. Its not a bad thing to be polite!

What got me thinking was the look on her face. It was almost a mix of surprise & disgust! Seemed like a very odd reaction to me. I was thinking about how little faith humans have in each other. Its sad.
Faith has been coming up in various areas of my life in this new year, and the look on that womans face really just brought it all together for me. I am believing that 2009 is a year for faith.

blessings.

let it snow...

We have been have some actual winter weather this week. The temperature has dropped a little lower than normal, it hasn't rained in a week, and we've had about 40cm of snow (if not more) in less than a week! Definitely not normal for Vancouver!
I am glad, in many ways, that I am not originally from here, so this weather does not affect me as it does some people. I enjoy walking in it, and its the perfect time to go out and about because most people are afraid to leave their houses!! Though the snow here is so different than snow out east, almost fluffier.


Garden party anyone?


Preparing to shovel. This city is so not used to snow that my house didn't even have a shovel!! We do now =) I didn't stay this bundled up for long - its pretty warm out, and you definitely work up a sweat while shoveling!

heavy

For a while there I was blogging pretty regularly. That's a new thing for me!
Lately I've wanted to write, but my words haven't been encouraging, or uplifting, or even happy.
I had even thought at on point earlier in the week to post the words to the song "don't worry, be happy!"

I'm not currently worrying about life, but life seems to be weighing me down lately (see, not very uplifting!). Its more of a spiritual weighing down than anything else - that's what I am sure of as I type.

And now, my mind is blank as to what should be said...so I guess nothing should be said.

blessings.

A Christmas Story...

We had some fun times decorating around my office today. I don't have too many decorations in my actual office, but there are a few that I found that are kinda fun - like this little rudolph - he's a cutie!

I've decided: I want to be one of those care free people. You know the type - those who live life without a care in the world, just taking things as they come....the la-di-da type of person.
I am not designed like that - don't even know if I have it in me. But sitting here in this moment, its how I close my eyes and dream of being....

carefree....

stress

Its never fun when stress gets to you - or when you let stress get to you! The latter is where I'm at these days. The stress is getting to me.

There is constant transition at my work.
There is currently transition at my home.
Health concerns are arising for close members of my family.
Some serious spiritual issues are present for some people I love dearly.

How does this all present itself physically in my life?
My back has been aching, stiff and sore for 2 days!!!
Looks like I am one of those people who physically carries things!
hmmm...I did say a while back that God was doing something new in me, right?
Feeling things so physically that I can barely stand and walk isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Which comes to my conclusion in it all...I need to pray more.
Always the same conclusion!

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

Christmastime is upon us!!
Its hard to believe that its December 1st already.
Where did this year go?

So much has happened in my life in 2008 - but I guess those thoughts should probably wait for a New Year post.

Christmas is always a busy time when you're involved in The Salvation Army. This year looks like its not going to be any different.



On another note, it has been a pretty intense week. One of those weeks where so many things happen and so many thoughts come to mind - yet when I come to post, I am wordless.

A dear friend of mine lost her mother this week. I am mourning along side of her. I am remembering when my own father died, and how hard it is to be on that side of the condolences.
Death is never easy.

I was hanging out with the students this morning and while we were praying the Bible, we prayed Psalm 121 for our sister. I'll leave you with it:

"I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!

He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever."

blessings.

lots of tears

There have been many tears shed recently. I've been crying a lot (God's doing) and have been trying to get used to the idea of being a 'wheeping intercessor.' Not sure I'm 100% happy with it (God's got a pretty funny sense of humour!), but ultimately things are being prayed for and God know's what He's doing. He is definitely bringing me into a new season.

Lots of tears being shed at my work as well. These tears are ones I really enjoy seeing and hear. While they are often from real deep places of pain and suffering for the women in the program, they are also healing - I encourage tears. I am also being blessed through my own tears.

On a non-tearful note, my living room is decorated for Christmas, and I've got Christmas music playing on my work computer today! But its raining - doesn't feel much like Christmas! Still, my house is comfy and relaxing. I'm loving sitting in there with all the candles burning, a fire lit and a good book open (or facebook open!!).

blessings.

marbles & grapes

Tonight is the bi-weekly chapel at my work ~ for those who don't know it, I work at a women's recovery house ~ being the chaplain, it is my job to either lead chapel myself or find someone else to head it up. Tonight I am taking the lead. It is a real blessing for me to spend my days in and amongst these women, journeying alongside them as they make good choices towards healthy living. I am pretty sure they do not even know how truly blessed I am to know them!

In thinking and praying for the topic tonight, I came across a small illustration about marbles and grapes, and how we as Christians can either be clacking marbles or soft (and caring) grapes. It got me thinking about living in community (such as this house) and how difficult that is some days - because we tend to naturally clack together.

Think about marbles.
The problem with our society (at least in the western world) is that we are living like marbles in a bag. We're hard, there is no give, and we continuously roll around, clacking up against each other.
I feel like a marble a lot of the time. Just trying to get through the day, attempting to let those that clack up against me roll off, pretending that I'm not hurt; I'm tough! The longer I roll around in the bag next to other marbles, the harder I get; the tougher I get. The words that I speak and the actions I take prove that I am a marble.

Think about grapes. They are soft, protected, sweet, beautiful. I believe that God wants us to live like a cluster of grapes. The longer we live on the vine next to the other grapes, the sweeter we'll get. But being a grape is just too hard sometimes.
I think most of us have been a grape, but we always seem to go back to being that hard marble. Why? Sin. Because its seems easier. Like a lot less work. The marbles seem to be everywhere.
Can we possibly be a sweet grape in the midst of marbles?

God must of thought so, because His son most definitely was, and we have been called to be Christ like.
How can we do this? We stay on the vine with Him. We let Him feed us. We stay under His protection. When the rain comes (and it will!), we will remember that we are protected like a leaf protects the grapes. By His merciful, beautiful hand. Then we can continue to stay on the vine.
Protected.
Sweet.
Beautiful.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!"
~John 15:1-7