My Heart.
A friend was asking me last night about how my heart is now. You see, a while back I allowed my heart, for the first time in many years, to be for all the world(well, not exactly)to see. And after that tearing open of my heart, it was hurt, causing me to close it off to love and the thought of being loved.
Then last night, in the early morning hours(while my friend Sue was sleeping on the couch), a good friend was able to point out to me that he saw my heart all closed up. Its not that I wasn't showing love to people or not receiving love either. It was that he saw and felt in that instance of our conversation(and this was not face to face mind you)that I, because of feeling kinda crushed, had closed off my heart somewhat.
He encouraged me to open it up again; to welcome the joy and pain that will be sure to come.
Its not an easy thing to do. In those moments when you bare all - the good, the bad, laughter and tears - its hard to love and not feel loved in return.
Human nature tells us that we need that love in return. That its necessary for survival. You want to know what I think? Human nature sucks ass sometimes! Seriously.
I am thankful for my friend. That he was there at that exact moment in time. He has no idea that the theme from kneedrill(prayer meeting)earlier on in the evening was about love and how the Lord loves us. We were asked to take some time to allow the Lord soak us in His love. That's right, he had NO idea! I knew though. I also remembered how difficult it was for me to allow YHWH to love me last night.
I was encouraged by this friend not to give up hope and to keep waiting on the Lord. And I'm not only speaking of not giving up hope and waiting for the kind of love that exists between a man and woman. I am talking about love, in general. Its all connected. I'm supposed to love everyone the same - even when my heart is hurting which its not really now, so please, no pity comments!!
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance...Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love...
Let love be your highest goal." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13, 14:1a
Blessings.
2 days ago
4 comments:
hmm i appreciate your stories! i like seeing you, and the things you say! i learn stuff and it is cool! props for tellin ur stuff! and i love u tonz! and i genuinely want to come visit u real bad in march and i want to make it happpen despite the thoughts i get confuseing me about going, i know it will be flippin sweet to go! oh yea and oregon says hey! now im off to go wake up aurora cuz were spending the night there and shes tired already!
love and all that good stuff!
I love you and all that good stuff too.
Grace,
H
Thanks for your sharing and all that good stuff. Much love.
Aurora
you speak powerful turth D, I've walked a simerla road recently, and it's true that opening your heart up to the good stuff, can cause pain and stuff, but it makes life heaps better. But Someone said something to me yesterday that made me think, does love requre someone to love you back? do you have friends in the DTES that you love that they don't love you, don't know how to love, and God certanily loves even when we don't love back and as we are made in the imaige of God we have that capasity, even when it hurts.
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