I have been thinking this week about how truly difficult it is to stay in tune spiritually when it seems like many of those around you, the people you should be leaning on for guidance, are weighted down with so much spiritual garbage.
I'll be honest in saying that I haven't figured out the answer to this. I am in one of those ministry jobs where I have to give. I have chosen a Corps(church)to attend and the Officer wants so desperately for me to be involved in so many things. I feel as though I cannot give there right now. Is me attending regularly and tithing to the church not enough for now? I dont know. Is it selfish of me to feel this way? I don't know that either.
I just don't know.
Blessings.
1 week ago
1 comment:
sis-ter! i can't believe no one commented on this. okay. first off, i had to read down a bit b/c i'm hopelessly out of the loop and didn't even know where in the globe you dwelt these days. Hartford Connecticut?
regarding this post, here's what i think. (for what it's worth!)
you wouldn't be bothered at all by the CO wanting more of you if you were just the sort of lukewarm christian gal who was satisfied with merely showing up and tithing. So right off the bat, i wouldn't worry about your level of spiritual commitment.
This situation reminds me of a time when I was sooo tentative and feeling very self-protective, because I'd known what it was like to commit myself in many places - some out of obligation or as a result of someone's manipulation towards me - and oh how i resented it! i felt very disillusioned during and afterwards as well. And even a little sad, feeling that ministry isn't supposed to be like this, is it?
When the cycle swung back around, and i was in a new season/situation, feeling like i could 'start from scratch' with my schedule and time, i was so defensive, that i guarded my time and energies rigorously to avoid falling into old familiar pitfalls. it appreared to others though that i was either less than committed, disinterested, snooty or whatever.
bottom line - guarding myself was okay, and healthy as long as it led into the bedroom with Jesus - yup, into some intimacy time with God. Then from that place of healing and truth (which for me took some building up over time)I was able to see where He was and follow Him, to hear what He was saying and speak those same words. THen I didn't have to feel guilty, because I KNEW that I KNEW that I KNEW that I was being about my Father's business, rather than running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, or draggin' my butt all over town full of resentment and yuck.
Anyways. Love ya, and hang in there.
grace - Heather
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