The kicker

I am an introvert. If you know me well enough, after hearing this you'd probably think: 'umm...no you aren't.' Really, I am. All the tests I've done say so, and so do I. Once I know people, I tend to open up, but getting out there to meet people and start conversations, not easy!

In my attempts to Reshape it ALL in my life, I've decided that I need to meet new people. I've been living in my town for 9 months and only know my small group of friends, and those I work with. But like I said, I'm an introvert.

Over the weekend I read about a female kick boxing place here in town. Conveniently, it is right down the street from my house! I decided then that I wanted to go - and the first class is free! So today I went. The hour leading up to leaving was tough. Satan then started to play his games, using my own insecurities, my mind told me every reason not to go - I wouldn't do well, I wouldn't meet people, there is no way I would succeed, I can't lose weight, feel good about myself or generally feel better. Thankfully, I was able to push past that and went to the class.

It was awesome! The cardio at the beginning and the ab workout at the end definitely kicked my butt, but I really enjoyed the kick boxing part. I've also made the decision that for now I will buy a 1 month pass and go from there. The people were nice and the class was good, and will challenge me. I'm looking forward to it!

Blessings.

tipping the scale

I've been talking for years about the idea of losing some weight and feeling healthier - but it was just that...talk. Now I have a little more determination, or at least that's what this thing in my spirit feels like! So today I am going to purchase a scale! EEK!

Knowing how food has become such an emotional thing for me, buying (and stepping on) a scale is a scary feat. But it is going to happen today!

As for how my whole Reshaping it ALL process has been going: not bad. I'm still working at changing my eating habits - which is happening; just slower than I would like. I've found in the past that regular physical activity and eating decent portions allowed me to still enjoy the things that I like, while feeling better overall. This is what worked for me to drop 20lbs when I moved cities almost 6yrs ago, and this is what I expect will work now. However, what I'm realizing now is that then, when I was feeling healthy physically, I was also really healthy spiritually.

If I were going to rank my physical/spiritual health on a scale it would look like this:

Physical: Less than moderate
Spiritual: Moderate

The other day I actually thanked God that my Spiritual health is above my physical! I don't know a lot of people who would do that in the world. The thing is, if my spiritual health can stay above my physical health, then while it is rising (which I'm working on daily), so will the other.

A friend of mine was just telling me about how the past few weeks have been hard for her. She lives in a city where it rains a lot, and is very grey for the majority of the year. I encouraged her to keep active, eat well, and drink lots of water so that she could persevere. I also encouraged her to dig into the word and pray more, because if its not coupled together, her blah, depressed feelings will linger - even when the sun comes out. It amazes me how I could have grown up in the church, yet I still have these obvious "a-ha!" moments that seem so logical!

God is good.

Time to buy a scale!

Blessings.

What's hitting home so far

I just thought I'd share a little as to what's been hitting home for me in the book thus far. I've been reading it for about 2 days, and have been writing down quotes and scripture in my journal for daily encouragement. Hopefully they will encourage others too:

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it"
Hebrews 12:11

"That internal argument is familiar to most of us, but do most of us recognize what it is? It's our flesh and our spirit fighting to lead. Our flesh is ruled by passion and desire, but out spirit is led by wisdom and truth." Reshaping it ALL

"So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
Galatians 5:16

"Self-discipline doesn't know when it's Monday; it calls us to step up today." Reshaping it ALL

"Dying to one's self is an act of worship. Each time our body yields to the spirit, we reflect the passion of Christ in our life - a passion that's worth fighting for." Reshaping it ALL

I'll have to remember to make note of page numbers from here on in.

Blessings.

Reshaping it ALL

I'm breaking out the blog again! Only this time everything will look a little different.
I can't say that I am one to follow trends or avidly follow celebrities (though I do follow a couple on twitter!), but I am about to follow what could become a trend (at least in Christian circles) and it all started with a celebrity - who, yes, I now follow on twitter! haha!

Let me share how it all started:

Last week I came home to a friend sitting on my couch. She was sharing with me that she had just spent the better part of an hour reading through tweets from the various cast members of Full House. If you don't know what Full House is, google it! But briefly, its a tv show from the 80's/early 90's that I used to watch weekly! My friend came across the tweets of Candace Cameron Bure - or DJ Tanner in Full House terms - and started sharing them with me. Almost instantly we were drawn in by how sweet, encouraging and so open about her faith she seemed to be. The more we read, the more we both knew we would have to follow her.

Within a couple of days I started wondering about a particular hashtag she was using #reshapingitall. I did a little research and realized that Candace, with another woman, Darlene Schacht, had published a book: Reshaping Is ALL: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness.

Living in a small town I had only a couple options to finding the book - order it online or through the bookstore, or hope that its at the library. The latter proved to be the better option! Thank God for public libraries...seriously.

From what I've read so far, the book is well written. It gives background into Candace's life and career, but also talks of getting on the right footing spiritually, connecting with God and connecting with yourself. I'm a fan.

I've been convicted for some time about changing my eating habits and getting on track with regular exercise. With the recent death of my mom, who was diabetic, and finding out at the same time that my brother is also diabetic, the reality that I need to take better care of myself has really been smacking me in the face. Then I started reading this book and it all started resonating once again!

Which brings me to today. I've decided to join in the the 65 day Reshaping it ALL challenge. I'm a few weeks late, but that's ok. I can start at any time! "Self-discipline doesn't know when it's Monday; it calls us to step up today" (pg. 101).

My plan is to blog daily on my progress and how I've been changing not only my physical self through my eating habits and exercise, but also how my spiritual self has been changing and growing as well. If the 2 don't go hand in hand, I don't think I'll make it through!

Blessings.

Ummm...Wow!

Its been a while. Almost a year, actually.
Honestly, I'm not sure I've even thought of this blog since my last post. And then I got a comment and *WHAMMO!* here I am!
A lot has happened since then...

I moved north to a smaller town.
I experienced an actual winter for the first time in a few years
I spent 6 weeks in Ontario due to the death of my mom.
Every day I have at least a few minutes where grief takes me captive and its hard to function.

Life is still somewhat confusing and most days I feel a little like a fish out of water, just floundering around, attempting to get myself back to the pond...sigh...

I press on, though. I press on.

Maybe I will start to come here a little more often. Maybe. Maybe not. It might help.

so apparently...

...I am feeling the urge to blog. Weird.

Its not the right time to share about the past year of my life - but maybe just start with where I am at now...a point of confusion. Life feels as though its all jumbled up into a big, ugly ball of garbage and its got me at a pretty low point and asking a lot of questions.

How to I peel it off and move forward? Good question. I have no answers these days. All I do know is that I'm tired. Tired. Tired.

more on faith

God answers prayer!

At my job I spend the days with a mixed group of people from various faith backgrounds and countries. Its so lovely to learn about the different places and experiences that these women have gone through in their lives. Today has been no different than any other day, other than a few of the women sharing about answered prayer! PTL!

One woman's 14 year old son ran away from home and had been missing for 8 days. Yesterday in morning devotions we prayed for this young boy - that he would be safe and know their are safe places and people to go to, even if he didn't want to go home. Well, this morning in devotions she shared that last night she received the call that he was safe and had gone home!! Love it!

Today we prayed for the court date of one of the ladies b/f. There have been issues with this guy, but of course we want what is best for him, and God's will. That is what we prayed - for judges that are just, with open eyes and ears to hear truth and make a good decision. The outcome...its not perfect but could have been worse, and my lovely friend here had actual happiness in her voice (something not heard from her often!).

The idea of having faith is often something that these women don't want to grasp. I mean, something they can't tangibly see, hear, touch, smell or taste?! That just can't be possible!
God is answering my prayers here in this place as well (and testing my faith a little more as I sit and think about these things!!!), by showing me the growing faith that is taking place in so many of these women! Its truly amazing!

Blessings.

faithful

When I spent time praying for 2009, I firmly believed God was telling me that this year is to be one of FAITH.


FAITH in the church, FAITH in individuals, and FAITH in my life.

Up until this week, I didn't realize (or chose not to realize) just what God was saying to me regarding faithfulness and how it should play out in my life in this coming year.

Well, this week I chose not to ignore what God was speaking and spent time listening. What a time it was!

To sum it all up (and I'm sure I will share more in the near future), the words of these songs spoke deeply to my core:

I want to be found faithful
I want to be found steady
I want to be found faithful
To the end.

I want to be unmoveable and unshakeable
So let my roots go down
Unmoveable and unshakeable in you.

And I, I want to be like a tree
Planted by the streams
Of living water.

This will be my song, God
This will be my prayer
Til the end.

blessings.

Worship the Lord

Spent this weekend in Tacoma, WA at an IHOP (International House Of Prayer) event called One Thing. This came at just the right time. The past week has been one of real testing and total exhaustion. The speakers were excellent, though, I must admit that my high light of the weekend was the musical worship - especially when led by IHOP missionary, Justin Rizzo. This guy is annointed. Have a look for him on itunes or ihop.org
His songs are inspired by scripture and would well be worth a listen.

Sewer Walking

You and me, we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear
Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don’t speak
Join together in the silent snow
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night,but day
A pier
And you and me, talking.



**I cannot take credit for this. Heard is on a show and loved it**

google fun

1. Type in “[your name] needs” in Google search.
Denise needs her mouth wired shut

2. Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search.
Denise looks like SJP: Page 2

3. Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search.
Denise hates Barney video

4. Type in “[your name] goes” or “has gone” in Google search.
Denise goes after Charlies pension

5. Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search.
Denise loves ya - 27 - Single - San Bernardino

6. Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search.
Denise eats plants...ew

7. Type in “[your name] has” in Google search.
Denise has the kids in therapy

8. Type in “[your name] works” in Google search.
Denise works is on facebook

9. Type in “[your name] lives” in Google search.
Denise lives on at The Insider

10. Type in “[your name] died” in Google search.
Denise died in utah

11. Type in “[your name] will” in Google search.
Denise will do almost anything for $$

random

I can sometimes be a pretty random person. I think we can all be random at moments, and if we don't see ourselves as random, there is probably something wrong!

Having said that, there was a note flying around on facebook this week in which you wrote 25 random things about yourself. I jumped on the band wagon and wrote a note. I can't sleep at the moment, so I thought I'd share it here as well. Enjoy.

1. My family call me "Niecer." At this point in life, only my sister, 1 cousin and 1 friend will actually get away with calling me this to my face!

2. I have a bit of OCD when it comes to my hands being dirty! I hate when they feel dirty so I wash them a lot!

3. I love to travel, but hate take off's and landings

4. I have a secret obsession with Sean Astin! It all started with the Goonies!

5. In high school, myself and 2 friends were dared by some boys to watch "Porky's" - apparently those movies were considered 'risque' back in the day!

6. I love McCain's chocolate cakes! I haven't had one in years cause I'll eat the whole thing!!!

7. I despise liver!!

8. If I could work for 6 months of the year and travel for 6 months of the year, life would be amazing!

9. I played volleyball from 4th grade thru college.

10. I want to marry a man with a lovely accent (its not a must, would just be nice!).

11. I have lived in ON, NL, MB, BC (CAN) - CO, ME, CT (USA)

12. Hair in sinks (and around bathrooms in general) makes me gag.

13. I'm not a big fan of surprise parties!

14. I have green eyes, not blue - much to everyone's surprise!

15. I wear a watch everyday and feel naked without it.

16. My body temperature is generally about 2 degree's higher than the average. This made visiting hospitals and nursing homes during SARS in Toronto very difficult - they kept denying me access!!

17. I despise the smell of anything vanilla! yuck!

18. I have a fear of elevators and will do my best not to get in them with large crowds.

19. Large crowds in general make me feel queesy

20. Although I've lived in the DTES (slums of Vancouver), I have never been bitten by a bed bug!

21. I miss being able to shop the sale racks in the US

22. Having said the previous, I miss Target!!

23. I am not a fan on Lindor chocolate (unless its orange)

24. I do not like talking on the phone and will avoid it if I can.

25. I could consume slurpees daily - though i don't cause I know it would be all bad for my insides!

cardboard Testimonies

This spoke to me this morning.

Check it out.


Blessings.

God of this city

God has been showing me a lot these days,
even if I haven't been faithful in going to Him.
What a great God!

I take the train/bus to and from work daily.
Its not usually too bad, and gives me time to think and pray.
Seems as though Holy Spirit always shows up at these times
and makes me all emotional and weepy!! However, God has been
revealing much to me through it all, so I am not complaining.

When I'm on the bus I almost always have my ipod on.
Its not necessarily to avoid contact with people, but tends to be more to avoid discerning what is happening in each and every person's life!! That can be so very overwhelming and messes me up for my work day. I figure that if God really wants me to focus and pray for someone specifically on the bus, He'll put that extra pressure on me (its happened!), so I stay alert, but still avoid most discerning feelings. But I digress...

One trip last week had me listening to 'God of this City' by Chris Tomlin.
Its such a prayer for Vancouver (and your city/town!).
I listened to it and prayed for the downtown (that's what the train was passing).
My ipod was on shuffle, so a few other songs played.
As I hit another area of the city, the same CT song started to play!
I smiled to myself and prayed for that area of the city.
Then as we hit the area of my work, the song played again.
This time I chuckled, knowing that God was really wanting to press me to pray for Vancouver more often...so I did and am.

Are you praying for your city?
Do it!

Blessings.

Love

My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art mine.
For Thee all the pleasure
of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer,
my Saviour art Thou.
If ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I love Thee because
Thou hast first Loved me.
And purchased my pardon
on Calvary's tree.
I love Thee for wearing
the thorns on Thy brow
if every I love Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I'll love Thee in life
I will love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long
as Thou lendest me breath.
And say when the death dew
lies cold on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

In mansions of glory
and endless delight,
I'll ever adore Thee
and dwell in Thy sight.
I'll sing with the glittering
crown on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus 'tis now.

true beauty

Ok, so admittedly, I don't watch very much television.
There was a time (about 4 years ago!) when I'm sure I watched a lot more,
but since moving west for the first time (fall '05), I haven't watched much - I didn't even own a television for much of this time.

That said, there have been shows that I've gotten hooked on. I won't mention them all here (cause the comments of shock and awe might be detrimental to my health & well being!), but lately I've been watching a couple that have both made me laugh and cry (not literally) at the same time. I laugh at the stupidity of some people and cry at the sadness that this world offers in helping people believe what they do.

Let me just jump around a minute.
Reality shows. What do you think about them?
I have loved watching survivor in the past - human interaction, travel, strategy and playing the game - love it!

Back to the topic!
Lately I have been watching 2 reality shows on Monday night. They are back to back, so I don't even have to get up from the couch (wow! lazy! but we aren't talking about my lack of keeping goals here!). The 2 shows are:

The Bachelor
and
True Beauty

**please, no comments that will be detrimental to my health & well being!!** ;)

So the bachelor. Yes, deep down inside I am a girl who wants to meet and marry the man of my dreams. Would I ever do something along this line to bring that about? Never! Thankfully I have a faithful God who has promised to give me the desires of my heart - no matter how long I have to wait and attempt to be patient for it.
What interests me about this show is the means that these women will go to to get this guys attention. Its pretty disgusting in some cases. I know, I play into the ratings by watching when I could easily change the channel or even turn the tube off...I just can't resist. Watching the reactions and interactions of the people is just too interesting to me.

The show I've watched afterwards is called True Beauty. I'm not a big fan of it, actually, but I'm hooked. The idea of it is they've brought in a group of men and women who are competing (so to speak) to be America's most beautiful person. They go through various outer beauty things to gain respect of the judges. The kicker is that different scenarios are set up each week to see how much inner beauty each person has - did they give money to the charity on the corner? did they help the cyclist who hit the curb and flew off? did they hold the door open for the person with their arms full? Small details such as that.

Human nature has us all as sinners - even a baby learns to say "No!" very early on in life.
Society tells us we should help ourselves and focus on the outward before even thinking of what's inside.

The Bible says in Isaiah that my name (and yours!) is written on the palm of God's hand. It also says in Psalm 139 that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I was woven together intricatly in my mom's womb, that He formed my inner most parts, that He knows me well and that His thoughts towards me are precious.

Talk about true beauty!

Blessings!

goals

Its late. I should be in bed getting some zzz's. Yet here I am sitting by the fire, thinking about going upstairs to bed. Some day I will learn my lesson!

Are you a resolution making kind of person?
I don't believe I am generally, though this year I have made some goals for myself.

*stop biting my finger nails! This is such a disgusting habit that I've been caught in since I was a child. I have good years and bad years with this. I'll let you know how my nails look in '09!

*more time in prayer. This is a daily goal!

*more time in the word. My heart desires the word of God though my head does not follow through on the hearts emotions.

*healthy living. This could turn into a "woe is me, I need to lose weight" sort of deal - but that's not my goal. Being healthy and feeling that is my goal. While yes, I have (unfortunately) gained the 20 pounds (maybe more) back that I lost when I first moved to Vancouver, I'm just not feeling healthy. I am going to get out and walk more and watch what I'm eating. Healthy living.

In regards to my goals, I'll share some of what I wrote in my journal last night:

So far some serious suckage has happened in regards to the goals. I suppose that will have to be my goal for this week - to work on my goals. Sad.
Determination. Feels as though I lack determination. Thinking back, I think its whats been missing through a lot of my life. That drive to succeed. I just don't have it.

Would it be back to pray for determination? I don't want to be the kind of person who only has drive to get things done and lacks character and passion - but maybe a little more determination (mixed with discipline, of course) is just what I need for 2009. Hmmm....

Blessings.

connections

Its a new year. Everytime a new year comes around I wonder where the old one has gone! Seems to have flown by.
A lot happened in 2008. I lost a job, moved back to Canada then moved provinces, got a new job, live in a new house, made new friends, lost old friends (and by lost I mean we rarely speak anymore)....and a lot more.

Over the past 3-4 years I have spent a lot of time thinking about my connections with people and what they mean to me. They mean a lot. There was a time about 4 years ago when I would have been happy to have a lot of people around me, even if they didn't know the real me. As I have grown and matured this has definitely changed. Now I would rather spend time with 1 or 2 people who really know me well than be in a room full of strangers, so to speak.

I have spent some time in recent months mourning the loss of what I thought was a great friendship. So many questions came out of it - the biggest one being "where we really all that good of friends?" I would like to think we were, but to be honest I haven't been able to answer that question. We were connected, I thought. Rarely having contact with this friend has helped me to examine the type of friend I am and want to be. Its kinda sucked, actually. But I've learned not to place expectations on people and just let things be.

"Real connections, they can't be broken by time or space."
~God in Joan of Arcadia

I'm looking for real connections this year. How that looks in my life I don't know yet, but I'm sure to find out!

Blessings.

faith

Normally when I get on the skytrain in the mornings it is pretty jam packed - standing room only. Yesterday was no different. As we arrived at the stop before mine, someone sitting on the seat in front of me (I was standing) rose to exit the train, leaving the seat empty. I looked at the lady standing beside me and said "would you like to have a seat?" She responded "you don't want to sit?" To which I said "please, take a seat." She then gave me the funniest of looks and sat down.

There were probably a few reasons to why I offered her the seat:

1. I had only woken up an hour before. Why do I need to sit?
2. My stop was next - Why get up and down in the matter of 3 minutes?!
3. Its not a bad thing to be polite!

What got me thinking was the look on her face. It was almost a mix of surprise & disgust! Seemed like a very odd reaction to me. I was thinking about how little faith humans have in each other. Its sad.
Faith has been coming up in various areas of my life in this new year, and the look on that womans face really just brought it all together for me. I am believing that 2009 is a year for faith.

blessings.

let it snow...

We have been have some actual winter weather this week. The temperature has dropped a little lower than normal, it hasn't rained in a week, and we've had about 40cm of snow (if not more) in less than a week! Definitely not normal for Vancouver!
I am glad, in many ways, that I am not originally from here, so this weather does not affect me as it does some people. I enjoy walking in it, and its the perfect time to go out and about because most people are afraid to leave their houses!! Though the snow here is so different than snow out east, almost fluffier.


Garden party anyone?


Preparing to shovel. This city is so not used to snow that my house didn't even have a shovel!! We do now =) I didn't stay this bundled up for long - its pretty warm out, and you definitely work up a sweat while shoveling!