un*compromising

The kicker

2011-05-25T02:38:00.003-05:00

I am an introvert. If you know me well enough, after hearing this you'd probably think: 'umm...no you aren't.' Really, I am. All the tests I've done say so, and so do I. Once I know people, I tend to open up, but getting out there to meet people and start conversations, not easy!

In my attempts to Reshape it ALL in my life, I've decided that I need to meet new people. I've been living in my town for 9 months and only know my small group of friends, and those I work with. But like I said, I'm an introvert.

Over the weekend I read about a female kick boxing place here in town. Conveniently, it is right down the street from my house! I decided then that I wanted to go - and the first class is free! So today I went. The hour leading up to leaving was tough. Satan then started to play his games, using my own insecurities, my mind told me every reason not to go - I wouldn't do well, I wouldn't meet people, there is no way I would succeed, I can't lose weight, feel good about myself or generally feel better. Thankfully, I was able to push past that and went to the class.

It was awesome! The cardio at the beginning and the ab workout at the end definitely kicked my butt, but I really enjoyed the kick boxing part. I've also made the decision that for now I will buy a 1 month pass and go from there. The people were nice and the class was good, and will challenge me. I'm looking forward to it!

Blessings.

tipping the scale

2011-05-23T13:20:00.002-05:00

I've been talking for years about the idea of losing some weight and feeling healthier - but it was just that...talk. Now I have a little more determination, or at least that's what this thing in my spirit feels like! So today I am going to purchase a scale! EEK!

Knowing how food has become such an emotional thing for me, buying (and stepping on) a scale is a scary feat. But it is going to happen today!

As for how my whole Reshaping it ALL process has been going: not bad. I'm still working at changing my eating habits - which is happening; just slower than I would like. I've found in the past that regular physical activity and eating decent portions allowed me to still enjoy the things that I like, while feeling better overall. This is what worked for me to drop 20lbs when I moved cities almost 6yrs ago, and this is what I expect will work now. However, what I'm realizing now is that then, when I was feeling healthy physically, I was also really healthy spiritually.

If I were going to rank my physical/spiritual health on a scale it would look like this:

Physical: Less than moderate
Spiritual: Moderate

The other day I actually thanked God that my Spiritual health is above my physical! I don't know a lot of people who would do that in the world. The thing is, if my spiritual health can stay above my physical health, then while it is rising (which I'm working on daily), so will the other.

A friend of mine was just telling me about how the past few weeks have been hard for her. She lives in a city where it rains a lot, and is very grey for the majority of the year. I encouraged her to keep active, eat well, and drink lots of water so that she could persevere. I also encouraged her to dig into the word and pray more, because if its not coupled together, her blah, depressed feelings will linger - even when the sun comes out. It amazes me how I could have grown up in the church, yet I still have these obvious "a-ha!" moments that seem so logical!

God is good.

Time to buy a scale!

Blessings.

What's hitting home so far

2011-05-20T01:25:00.002-05:00

I just thought I'd share a little as to what's been hitting home for me in the book thus far. I've been reading it for about 2 days, and have been writing down quotes and scripture in my journal for daily encouragement. Hopefully they will encourage others too:

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it"
Hebrews 12:11

"That internal argument is familiar to most of us, but do most of us recognize what it is? It's our flesh and our spirit fighting to lead. Our flesh is ruled by passion and desire, but out spirit is led by wisdom and truth." Reshaping it ALL

"So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
Galatians 5:16

"Self-discipline doesn't know when it's Monday; it calls us to step up today." Reshaping it ALL

"Dying to one's self is an act of worship. Each time our body yields to the spirit, we reflect the passion of Christ in our life - a passion that's worth fighting for." Reshaping it ALL

I'll have to remember to make note of page numbers from here on in.

Blessings.

Reshaping it ALL

2011-05-19T23:16:00.003-05:00

I'm breaking out the blog again! Only this time everything will look a little different.
I can't say that I am one to follow trends or avidly follow celebrities (though I do follow a couple on twitter!), but I am about to follow what could become a trend (at least in Christian circles) and it all started with a celebrity - who, yes, I now follow on twitter! haha!

Let me share how it all started:

Last week I came home to a friend sitting on my couch. She was sharing with me that she had just spent the better part of an hour reading through tweets from the various cast members of Full House. If you don't know what Full House is, google it! But briefly, its a tv show from the 80's/early 90's that I used to watch weekly! My friend came across the tweets of Candace Cameron Bure - or DJ Tanner in Full House terms - and started sharing them with me. Almost instantly we were drawn in by how sweet, encouraging and so open about her faith she seemed to be. The more we read, the more we both knew we would have to follow her.

Within a couple of days I started wondering about a particular hashtag she was using #reshapingitall. I did a little research and realized that Candace, with another woman, Darlene Schacht, had published a book: Reshaping Is ALL: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness.

Living in a small town I had only a couple options to finding the book - order it online or through the bookstore, or hope that its at the library. The latter proved to be the better option! Thank God for public libraries...seriously.

From what I've read so far, the book is well written. It gives background into Candace's life and career, but also talks of getting on the right footing spiritually, connecting with God and connecting with yourself. I'm a fan.

I've been convicted for some time about changing my eating habits and getting on track with regular exercise. With the recent death of my mom, who was diabetic, and finding out at the same time that my brother is also diabetic, the reality that I need to take better care of myself has really been smacking me in the face. Then I started reading this book and it all started resonating once again!

Which brings me to today. I've decided to join in the the 65 day Reshaping it ALL challenge. I'm a few weeks late, but that's ok. I can start at any time! "Self-discipline doesn't know when it's Monday; it calls us to step up today" (pg. 101).

My plan is to blog daily on my progress and how I've been changing not only my physical self through my eating habits and exercise, but also how my spiritual self has been changing and growing as well. If the 2 don't go hand in hand, I don't think I'll make it through!

Blessings.

Ummm...Wow!

2011-03-30T02:50:00.002-05:00

Its been a while. Almost a year, actually.
Honestly, I'm not sure I've even thought of this blog since my last post. And then I got a comment and *WHAMMO!* here I am!
A lot has happened since then...

I moved north to a smaller town.
I experienced an actual winter for the first time in a few years
I spent 6 weeks in Ontario due to the death of my mom.
Every day I have at least a few minutes where grief takes me captive and its hard to function.

Life is still somewhat confusing and most days I feel a little like a fish out of water, just floundering around, attempting to get myself back to the pond...sigh...

I press on, though. I press on.

Maybe I will start to come here a little more often. Maybe. Maybe not. It might help.

so apparently...

2010-04-14T05:53:00.002-05:00

...I am feeling the urge to blog. Weird.

Its not the right time to share about the past year of my life - but maybe just start with where I am at now...a point of confusion. Life feels as though its all jumbled up into a big, ugly ball of garbage and its got me at a pretty low point and asking a lot of questions.

How to I peel it off and move forward? Good question. I have no answers these days. All I do know is that I'm tired. Tired. Tired.

more on faith

2009-02-25T17:14:00.003-05:00

God answers prayer!

At my job I spend the days with a mixed group of people from various faith backgrounds and countries. Its so lovely to learn about the different places and experiences that these women have gone through in their lives. Today has been no different than any other day, other than a few of the women sharing about answered prayer! PTL!

One woman's 14 year old son ran away from home and had been missing for 8 days. Yesterday in morning devotions we prayed for this young boy - that he would be safe and know their are safe places and people to go to, even if he didn't want to go home. Well, this morning in devotions she shared that last night she received the call that he was safe and had gone home!! Love it!

Today we prayed for the court date of one of the ladies b/f. There have been issues with this guy, but of course we want what is best for him, and God's will. That is what we prayed - for judges that are just, with open eyes and ears to hear truth and make a good decision. The outcome...its not perfect but could have been worse, and my lovely friend here had actual happiness in her voice (something not heard from her often!).

The idea of having faith is often something that these women don't want to grasp. I mean, something they can't tangibly see, hear, touch, smell or taste?! That just can't be possible!
God is answering my prayers here in this place as well (and testing my faith a little more as I sit and think about these things!!!), by showing me the growing faith that is taking place in so many of these women! Its truly amazing!

Blessings.

faithful

2009-02-20T02:56:00.005-05:00

When I spent time praying for 2009, I firmly believed God was telling me that this year is to be one of FAITH.

FAITH in the church, FAITH in individuals, and FAITH in my life.

Up until this week, I didn't realize (or chose not to realize) just what God was saying to me regarding faithfulness and how it should play out in my life in this coming year.

Well, this week I chose not to ignore what God was speaking and spent time listening. What a time it was!

To sum it all up (and I'm sure I will share more in the near future), the words of these songs spoke deeply to my core:

I want to be found faithful
I want to be found steady
I want to be found faithful
To the end.

I want to be unmoveable and unshakeable
So let my roots go down
Unmoveable and unshakeable in you.

And I, I want to be like a tree
Planted by the streams
Of living water.

This will be my song, God
This will be my prayer
Til the end.

blessings.

Worship the Lord

2009-02-16T02:49:00.001-05:00

Spent this weekend in Tacoma, WA at an IHOP (International House Of Prayer) event called One Thing. This came at just the right time. The past week has been one of real testing and total exhaustion. The speakers were excellent, though, I must admit that my high light of the weekend was the musical worship - especially when led by IHOP missionary, Justin Rizzo. This guy is annointed. Have a look for him on itunes or ihop.org
His songs are inspired by scripture and would well be worth a listen.

Sewer Walking

2009-02-12T18:44:00.002-05:00

You and me, we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear
Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don’t speak
Join together in the silent snow
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night,but day
A pier
And you and me, talking.

**I cannot take credit for this. Heard is on a show and loved it**

google fun

2009-02-10T17:14:00.002-05:00

1. Type in “[your name] needs” in Google search.
Denise needs her mouth wired shut

2. Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search.
Denise looks like SJP: Page 2

3. Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search.
Denise hates Barney video

4. Type in “[your name] goes” or “has gone” in Google search.
Denise goes after Charlies pension

5. Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search.
Denise loves ya - 27 - Single - San Bernardino

6. Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search.
Denise eats plants...ew

7. Type in “[your name] has” in Google search.
Denise has the kids in therapy

8. Type in “[your name] works” in Google search.
Denise works is on facebook

9. Type in “[your name] lives” in Google search.
Denise lives on at The Insider

10. Type in “[your name] died” in Google search.
Denise died in utah

11. Type in “[your name] will” in Google search.
Denise will do almost anything for $$

random

2009-02-01T05:23:00.004-05:00

I can sometimes be a pretty random person. I think we can all be random at moments, and if we don't see ourselves as random, there is probably something wrong!

Having said that, there was a note flying around on facebook this week in which you wrote 25 random things about yourself. I jumped on the band wagon and wrote a note. I can't sleep at the moment, so I thought I'd share it here as well. Enjoy.

1. My family call me "Niecer." At this point in life, only my sister, 1 cousin and 1 friend will actually get away with calling me this to my face!

2. I have a bit of OCD when it comes to my hands being dirty! I hate when they feel dirty so I wash them a lot!

3. I love to travel, but hate take off's and landings

4. I have a secret obsession with Sean Astin! It all started with the Goonies!

5. In high school, myself and 2 friends were dared by some boys to watch "Porky's" - apparently those movies were considered 'risque' back in the day!

6. I love McCain's chocolate cakes! I haven't had one in years cause I'll eat the whole thing!!!

7. I despise liver!!

8. If I could work for 6 months of the year and travel for 6 months of the year, life would be amazing!

9. I played volleyball from 4th grade thru college.

10. I want to marry a man with a lovely accent (its not a must, would just be nice!).

11. I have lived in ON, NL, MB, BC (CAN) - CO, ME, CT (USA)

12. Hair in sinks (and around bathrooms in general) makes me gag.

13. I'm not a big fan of surprise parties!

14. I have green eyes, not blue - much to everyone's surprise!

15. I wear a watch everyday and feel naked without it.

16. My body temperature is generally about 2 degree's higher than the average. This made visiting hospitals and nursing homes during SARS in Toronto very difficult - they kept denying me access!!

17. I despise the smell of anything vanilla! yuck!

18. I have a fear of elevators and will do my best not to get in them with large crowds.

19. Large crowds in general make me feel queesy

20. Although I've lived in the DTES (slums of Vancouver), I have never been bitten by a bed bug!

21. I miss being able to shop the sale racks in the US

22. Having said the previous, I miss Target!!

23. I am not a fan on Lindor chocolate (unless its orange)

24. I do not like talking on the phone and will avoid it if I can.

25. I could consume slurpees daily - though i don't cause I know it would be all bad for my insides!

cardboard Testimonies

2009-01-28T12:53:00.003-05:00

This spoke to me this morning.

Check it out.

Blessings.

God of this city

2009-01-23T13:54:00.006-05:00

God has been showing me a lot these days,
even if I haven't been faithful in going to Him.
What a great God!

I take the train/bus to and from work daily.
Its not usually too bad, and gives me time to think and pray.
Seems as though Holy Spirit always shows up at these times
and makes me all emotional and weepy!! However, God has been
revealing much to me through it all, so I am not complaining.

When I'm on the bus I almost always have my ipod on.
Its not necessarily to avoid contact with people, but tends to be more to avoid discerning what is happening in each and every person's life!! That can be so very overwhelming and messes me up for my work day. I figure that if God really wants me to focus and pray for someone specifically on the bus, He'll put that extra pressure on me (its happened!), so I stay alert, but still avoid most discerning feelings. But I digress...

One trip last week had me listening to 'God of this City' by Chris Tomlin.
Its such a prayer for Vancouver (and your city/town!).
I listened to it and prayed for the downtown (that's what the train was passing).
My ipod was on shuffle, so a few other songs played.
As I hit another area of the city, the same CT song started to play!
I smiled to myself and prayed for that area of the city.
Then as we hit the area of my work, the song played again.
This time I chuckled, knowing that God was really wanting to press me to pray for Vancouver more often...so I did and am.

Are you praying for your city?
Do it!

Blessings.

Love

2009-01-23T13:34:00.003-05:00

My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art mine.
For Thee all the pleasure
of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer,
my Saviour art Thou.
If ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I love Thee because
Thou hast first Loved me.
And purchased my pardon
on Calvary's tree.
I love Thee for wearing
the thorns on Thy brow
if every I love Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

I'll love Thee in life
I will love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long
as Thou lendest me breath.
And say when the death dew
lies cold on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
my Jesus 'tis now.

In mansions of glory
and endless delight,
I'll ever adore Thee
and dwell in Thy sight.
I'll sing with the glittering
crown on my brow,
if ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus 'tis now.

true beauty

2009-01-13T14:42:00.003-05:00

Ok, so admittedly, I don't watch very much television.
There was a time (about 4 years ago!) when I'm sure I watched a lot more,
but since moving west for the first time (fall '05), I haven't watched much - I didn't even own a television for much of this time.

That said, there have been shows that I've gotten hooked on. I won't mention them all here (cause the comments of shock and awe might be detrimental to my health & well being!), but lately I've been watching a couple that have both made me laugh and cry (not literally) at the same time. I laugh at the stupidity of some people and cry at the sadness that this world offers in helping people believe what they do.

Let me just jump around a minute.
Reality shows. What do you think about them?
I have loved watching survivor in the past - human interaction, travel, strategy and playing the game - love it!

Back to the topic!
Lately I have been watching 2 reality shows on Monday night. They are back to back, so I don't even have to get up from the couch (wow! lazy! but we aren't talking about my lack of keeping goals here!). The 2 shows are:

The Bachelor
and
True Beauty

**please, no comments that will be detrimental to my health & well being!!** ;)

So the bachelor. Yes, deep down inside I am a girl who wants to meet and marry the man of my dreams. Would I ever do something along this line to bring that about? Never! Thankfully I have a faithful God who has promised to give me the desires of my heart - no matter how long I have to wait and attempt to be patient for it.
What interests me about this show is the means that these women will go to to get this guys attention. Its pretty disgusting in some cases. I know, I play into the ratings by watching when I could easily change the channel or even turn the tube off...I just can't resist. Watching the reactions and interactions of the people is just too interesting to me.

The show I've watched afterwards is called True Beauty. I'm not a big fan of it, actually, but I'm hooked. The idea of it is they've brought in a group of men and women who are competing (so to speak) to be America's most beautiful person. They go through various outer beauty things to gain respect of the judges. The kicker is that different scenarios are set up each week to see how much inner beauty each person has - did they give money to the charity on the corner? did they help the cyclist who hit the curb and flew off? did they hold the door open for the person with their arms full? Small details such as that.

Human nature has us all as sinners - even a baby learns to say "No!" very early on in life.
Society tells us we should help ourselves and focus on the outward before even thinking of what's inside.

The Bible says in Isaiah that my name (and yours!) is written on the palm of God's hand. It also says in Psalm 139 that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I was woven together intricatly in my mom's womb, that He formed my inner most parts, that He knows me well and that His thoughts towards me are precious.

Talk about true beauty!

Blessings!

goals

2009-01-11T03:50:00.003-05:00

Its late. I should be in bed getting some zzz's. Yet here I am sitting by the fire, thinking about going upstairs to bed. Some day I will learn my lesson!

Are you a resolution making kind of person?
I don't believe I am generally, though this year I have made some goals for myself.

*stop biting my finger nails! This is such a disgusting habit that I've been caught in since I was a child. I have good years and bad years with this. I'll let you know how my nails look in '09!

*more time in prayer. This is a daily goal!

*more time in the word. My heart desires the word of God though my head does not follow through on the hearts emotions.

*healthy living. This could turn into a "woe is me, I need to lose weight" sort of deal - but that's not my goal. Being healthy and feeling that is my goal. While yes, I have (unfortunately) gained the 20 pounds (maybe more) back that I lost when I first moved to Vancouver, I'm just not feeling healthy. I am going to get out and walk more and watch what I'm eating. Healthy living.

In regards to my goals, I'll share some of what I wrote in my journal last night:

So far some serious suckage has happened in regards to the goals. I suppose that will have to be my goal for this week - to work on my goals. Sad.
Determination. Feels as though I lack determination. Thinking back, I think its whats been missing through a lot of my life. That drive to succeed. I just don't have it.

Would it be back to pray for determination? I don't want to be the kind of person who only has drive to get things done and lacks character and passion - but maybe a little more determination (mixed with discipline, of course) is just what I need for 2009. Hmmm....

Blessings.

connections

2009-01-08T14:18:00.002-05:00

Its a new year. Everytime a new year comes around I wonder where the old one has gone! Seems to have flown by.
A lot happened in 2008. I lost a job, moved back to Canada then moved provinces, got a new job, live in a new house, made new friends, lost old friends (and by lost I mean we rarely speak anymore)....and a lot more.

Over the past 3-4 years I have spent a lot of time thinking about my connections with people and what they mean to me. They mean a lot. There was a time about 4 years ago when I would have been happy to have a lot of people around me, even if they didn't know the real me. As I have grown and matured this has definitely changed. Now I would rather spend time with 1 or 2 people who really know me well than be in a room full of strangers, so to speak.

I have spent some time in recent months mourning the loss of what I thought was a great friendship. So many questions came out of it - the biggest one being "where we really all that good of friends?" I would like to think we were, but to be honest I haven't been able to answer that question. We were connected, I thought. Rarely having contact with this friend has helped me to examine the type of friend I am and want to be. Its kinda sucked, actually. But I've learned not to place expectations on people and just let things be.

"Real connections, they can't be broken by time or space."
~God in Joan of Arcadia

I'm looking for real connections this year. How that looks in my life I don't know yet, but I'm sure to find out!

Blessings.

faith

2009-01-07T13:25:00.004-05:00

Normally when I get on the skytrain in the mornings it is pretty jam packed - standing room only. Yesterday was no different. As we arrived at the stop before mine, someone sitting on the seat in front of me (I was standing) rose to exit the train, leaving the seat empty. I looked at the lady standing beside me and said "would you like to have a seat?" She responded "you don't want to sit?" To which I said "please, take a seat." She then gave me the funniest of looks and sat down.

There were probably a few reasons to why I offered her the seat:

1. I had only woken up an hour before. Why do I need to sit?
2. My stop was next - Why get up and down in the matter of 3 minutes?!
3. Its not a bad thing to be polite!

What got me thinking was the look on her face. It was almost a mix of surprise & disgust! Seemed like a very odd reaction to me. I was thinking about how little faith humans have in each other. Its sad.
Faith has been coming up in various areas of my life in this new year, and the look on that womans face really just brought it all together for me. I am believing that 2009 is a year for faith.

blessings.

let it snow...

2008-12-21T16:50:00.004-05:00

We have been have some actual winter weather this week. The temperature has dropped a little lower than normal, it hasn't rained in a week, and we've had about 40cm of snow (if not more) in less than a week! Definitely not normal for Vancouver!
I am glad, in many ways, that I am not originally from here, so this weather does not affect me as it does some people. I enjoy walking in it, and its the perfect time to go out and about because most people are afraid to leave their houses!! Though the snow here is so different than snow out east, almost fluffier.

Garden party anyone?

Preparing to shovel. This city is so not used to snow that my house didn't even have a shovel!! We do now =) I didn't stay this bundled up for long - its pretty warm out, and you definitely work up a sweat while shoveling!

heavy

2008-12-20T16:51:00.002-05:00

For a while there I was blogging pretty regularly. That's a new thing for me!
Lately I've wanted to write, but my words haven't been encouraging, or uplifting, or even happy.
I had even thought at on point earlier in the week to post the words to the song "don't worry, be happy!"

I'm not currently worrying about life, but life seems to be weighing me down lately (see, not very uplifting!). Its more of a spiritual weighing down than anything else - that's what I am sure of as I type.

And now, my mind is blank as to what should be said...so I guess nothing should be said.

blessings.

A Christmas Story...

2008-12-13T02:26:00.002-05:00

We had some fun times decorating around my office today. I don't have too many decorations in my actual office, but there are a few that I found that are kinda fun - like this little rudolph - he's a cutie!

2008-12-11T02:40:00.002-05:00

I've decided: I want to be one of those care free people. You know the type - those who live life without a care in the world, just taking things as they come....the la-di-da type of person.
I am not designed like that - don't even know if I have it in me. But sitting here in this moment, its how I close my eyes and dream of being....

carefree....

stress

2008-12-10T15:41:00.002-05:00

Its never fun when stress gets to you - or when you let stress get to you! The latter is where I'm at these days. The stress is getting to me.

There is constant transition at my work.
There is currently transition at my home.
Health concerns are arising for close members of my family.
Some serious spiritual issues are present for some people I love dearly.

How does this all present itself physically in my life?
My back has been aching, stiff and sore for 2 days!!!
Looks like I am one of those people who physically carries things!
hmmm...I did say a while back that God was doing something new in me, right?
Feeling things so physically that I can barely stand and walk isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Which comes to my conclusion in it all...I need to pray more.
Always the same conclusion!

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

2008-12-02T00:42:00.003-05:00

Christmastime is upon us!!
Its hard to believe that its December 1st already.
Where did this year go?

So much has happened in my life in 2008 - but I guess those thoughts should probably wait for a New Year post.

Christmas is always a busy time when you're involved in The Salvation Army. This year looks like its not going to be any different.

On another note, it has been a pretty intense week. One of those weeks where so many things happen and so many thoughts come to mind - yet when I come to post, I am wordless.

A dear friend of mine lost her mother this week. I am mourning along side of her. I am remembering when my own father died, and how hard it is to be on that side of the condolences.
Death is never easy.

I was hanging out with the students this morning and while we were praying the Bible, we prayed Psalm 121 for our sister. I'll leave you with it:

"I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!

He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever."

blessings.

lots of tears

2008-11-25T16:41:00.003-05:00

There have been many tears shed recently. I've been crying a lot (God's doing) and have been trying to get used to the idea of being a 'wheeping intercessor.' Not sure I'm 100% happy with it (God's got a pretty funny sense of humour!), but ultimately things are being prayed for and God know's what He's doing. He is definitely bringing me into a new season.

Lots of tears being shed at my work as well. These tears are ones I really enjoy seeing and hear. While they are often from real deep places of pain and suffering for the women in the program, they are also healing - I encourage tears. I am also being blessed through my own tears.

On a non-tearful note, my living room is decorated for Christmas, and I've got Christmas music playing on my work computer today! But its raining - doesn't feel much like Christmas! Still, my house is comfy and relaxing. I'm loving sitting in there with all the candles burning, a fire lit and a good book open (or facebook open!!).

blessings.

marbles & grapes

2008-11-18T17:47:00.009-05:00

Tonight is the bi-weekly chapel at my work ~ for those who don't know it, I work at a women's recovery house ~ being the chaplain, it is my job to either lead chapel myself or find someone else to head it up. Tonight I am taking the lead. It is a real blessing for me to spend my days in and amongst these women, journeying alongside them as they make good choices towards healthy living. I am pretty sure they do not even know how truly blessed I am to know them!

In thinking and praying for the topic tonight, I came across a small illustration about marbles and grapes, and how we as Christians can either be clacking marbles or soft (and caring) grapes. It got me thinking about living in community (such as this house) and how difficult that is some days - because we tend to naturally clack together.

Think about marbles.
The problem with our society (at least in the western world) is that we are living like marbles in a bag. We're hard, there is no give, and we continuously roll around, clacking up against each other.
I feel like a marble a lot of the time. Just trying to get through the day, attempting to let those that clack up against me roll off, pretending that I'm not hurt; I'm tough! The longer I roll around in the bag next to other marbles, the harder I get; the tougher I get. The words that I speak and the actions I take prove that I am a marble.

Think about grapes. They are soft, protected, sweet, beautiful. I believe that God wants us to live like a cluster of grapes. The longer we live on the vine next to the other grapes, the sweeter we'll get. But being a grape is just too hard sometimes.
I think most of us have been a grape, but we always seem to go back to being that hard marble. Why? Sin. Because its seems easier. Like a lot less work. The marbles seem to be everywhere.
Can we possibly be a sweet grape in the midst of marbles?

God must of thought so, because His son most definitely was, and we have been called to be Christ like.
How can we do this? We stay on the vine with Him. We let Him feed us. We stay under His protection. When the rain comes (and it will!), we will remember that we are protected like a leaf protects the grapes. By His merciful, beautiful hand. Then we can continue to stay on the vine.
Protected.
Sweet.
Beautiful.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!"
~John 15:1-7

strength

2008-11-18T01:04:00.003-05:00

Last night I cried for the first time in ages.
I was sitting in my own misery, and receiving that of others.
Neither are a good thing to do.
In my intercession I have never been a burden bearer.
I can use discernment, and always try to trust in that,
but to come home feeling (spiritually and physically) what someone with
me may have been feeling is a new thing.
Unfortunately, in the end it got the better of me - as you can read in my
post from yesterday. What a sad state I was in.
I sat in my misery and allowed the lies of the enemy get the better of me.

Today, through communicating to some great friends, I was able to hear
truth spoken out and prayed over me.
Through prayers of peace for my mind and thoughts, I was reminded of the
peace that God gave me when the decision was made to come back to Vancouver.
As well as the peace over the decision made to move into Hope Renfrew (community house)
and be the leader here. Have also been reminded of a word of scripture spoken
over me prophetically these past few years.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints..."
Ephesians 6:10-20

Blessings.

weakness

2008-11-17T19:01:00.002-05:00

My dear friend Kat encouraged me and had me thinking through her most recent blog.
The last part of her post really had me thinking about where I'm at the most. I'm going to post her thoughts here - hopefully she won't mind!

"This is why weakness comes, to punch holes in our resolve and stoicism.
and let us feel vulnerable.
and let us rely on someone.
our cleverness is a trap
our bravado is a cloak full of holes
and friends may pull away,
then we are privileged to know
that there is but one to rely on,
who helps us gain knowledge,
reverse knowledge,
paradoxical knowledge of the purest kind.
that our strength is an illusion
that punched full of enough holes, and empty of our reserve,
we are finally able to receive the pure light of his strength.
It exceeds our capacity to contain it.
Here, in abject weakness, full of holes,
we shine.
the paradox is revealed
and we understand just a little bit
that living on his borrowed strength
is how we are healed."

Thanks, Kat. You are lovely.

Honesty

2008-11-17T03:49:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling a little lost these days.
Yes, God knows the bigger picture.
He knows everything.
I know this.
I trust this.
Yet I still feel lost - and am questioning so much.
Did I make the right choice by moving back to Vancouver?
Did I make the right choice by moving into this house?
I feel so alone some days.
And others I feel useless and not worth much.
So ill-equipped for where I'm at and what I'm doing.
Were my choices the right ones?
The ones that God wanted?
Maybe I'm just having one of those days!

So many questions tonight.

"Please listen, God, and answer my prayer!
I feel hopeless, and I cry out to you from a far away land.
Lead me to the mighty rock high above me.
You are my strong tower,
where I am safe from my enemies."
Psalm 61:1-3

hmmm...

2008-11-15T21:29:00.002-05:00

Had a pretty productive day today.
Went to Ikea with a friend and her cutie pie kids, came home and did some necessary cleaning, and baked chocolate chip cookies for a baby shower tomorrow. All good things. Like I said, a productive day. And a good day.
Why then, do I all of a sudden feel so very lonely?!
I was going to make dinner. Now I have no desire to do that.
My mind says that I should enjoy not having anything to do and take it for all its worth.
But something else in me is not saying the same thing....an odd feeling.
I should probably be praying.
God is doing something new in me these days.
Maybe someday soon I'll figure out what it is!!

Blessings.

in case of emergency...

2008-11-13T13:46:00.003-05:00

(Sick and tired of being sick and tired.)

On another note, I'm sitting in my office and looked at the bulletin board.

On the board are various lists of numbers - the one I am looking at now

is "Emergency numbers." It gives numbers for everything from the ambulance through poison control and water for the City of Vancouver. However the one that sticks out most fo me is the number for "Earthquake, Flood, Dangerous Goods Spill, Tsunami." The idea of "dangerous goods" makes no sense to me - but what makes me laugh most is that someone is asking me to call a number if there happens to be an earthquake or tsunami. Yes, there will definitely be time to pick up the phone for a call. Definitely.

you've got a friend....

2008-11-11T05:17:00.003-05:00

Spent some time this evening chatting with a good friend that I haven't physically seen in some time (years, actually). We seem to be in a similar sort of position where we are thinking about friendship, what it means to be a friend and have a friend. I believe this comes from a real deep desire to be connected to people.

Being in relationships with people (yes, friendships are relationships!) is not at all easy. They are messy and beautiful all at the same time. They can bring you such amazing happiness, yet such serious hurt. Does that mean relationships aren't worth it cause they are hard work? Not at all. This makes my desire for close connections grow even more!

My friend had written his own blog around this topic (which he has since deleted) - and he mentioned near the end that being alone isn't such a bad thing, that solitude can be very beneficial and even Jesus was alone a lot. That got me thinking. Yea, sure, Jesus took the time away to spend with the Father for rest and refreshment, knowing that solitude would do that for Him. He wasn't alone in His ministry, though. The 12 were with him. So they made mistakes in their friendship (like falling asleep when Jesus asked them to keep watch), they doubted. But in the end, Jesus wasn't alone. The 12 were chosen to minister along side Him, being the one's he would confide in and go to with things.

I say this because I have been desiring real, strong friendships lately. I have a desire to be friends with people who are going to stick with me through the mess and beauty; the happiness and hurt. When friendships I thought would last for years to come fade, and even fizzle to nothingness, it makes me question, were we really friends and all? Why did I seriously put all the effort in? Was it worth it for where we're at right now?

I want to answer yes to all of those questions. Sadly, I can't just yet. Maybe soon. Hopefully soon.

blessings.

contemplating...

2008-11-08T04:58:00.002-05:00

Have been praying through this song the last 24 hours.
Its got strength and power - I dig it.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, Thou my true word
I ever with thee, Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I Thy true Son
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenward, O power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, after victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

blessings.

I like gifts...

2008-10-30T21:43:00.002-05:00

I like gifts.
Who doesn't?!
Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, random gifts for no real reason at all!
A gift is a gift, and if people want to give them, I like to receive!
But what about God's gifts?
You know, those spiritual ones that the Bible says us Christians will receive.
Do I like those?
Do you?

I have been thinking a lot about God's gifts lately.
Well, not just lately. I think about them a lot, actually.
A friend asked me today if I ever feel separated from the church because of the particular gifts that God has given me.
Had to think about that for a few minutes...
yes, yes, I do.
You see, I believe that I know the gifts that God has given me.
I also believe that I do my best (most of the time) to walk out those gifts in my life - (see previous post on conviction!)

In Romans 12 it says this: "In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly."

My desire is to see my brothers and sisters learn what their God given gifts are and actually start using them! Going along with this desire, I also wish to see people trusting me in my gifts and that I'm using them.
Why is it so hard to trust?

I guess my point in all of this is:
"There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord.
God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.
A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.
To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge.
The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit.
Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages, while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said.
It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have." 1 Cor. 12

Lets figure out our gifts and use them! Yes, satan is going to throw things in our paths to try and throw us off - doubt, fear - but if we actually walk out our gifts, the doubt and fear will eventually subside, cause Christ will win out in the end! Lets also trust our comrades when they are using the gifts they know they have. After all, we are meant to be one body and work together.
That's not going to happen until we can do this.

Blessings.

conviction

2008-10-28T13:57:00.002-05:00

I don't pray enough.
God has given me the gift if intercession (prayer), and I abuse it by not using it enough.
For this I have been convicted of lately.

A good friend encouraged me this morning to thank God when I wake up in the morning and just declare myself as His, attempting to get myself back into a prayer posture.

We discussed how amazing it is that God is so faithful, even when we aren't.

Its interesting that I spend time in prayer at work, praying with and for the women here, and I encourage them to pray regularly and lead them in times of prayer - and yet, I struggle with solitude and putting myself in

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says "Never stop praying"

Here's hoping!

Blessings.

what is leadership?

2008-10-15T23:10:00.002-05:00

Have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a good leader.
What does a good leader look like exactly?
Does it mean to be easy to follow? Or have a lot of followers?
Those who are quick to get things accomplished well?
Someone with vision?
Is a good leader someone who offers only grace but never cracks a whip (so to speak)?
Or someone that has a firm hand and grace?
All of the above?
Some of the above?

I'm not sure I know what it means to be a good leader.
I know I've seen examples. But the thought has been in my head a lot lately.

suppose I should just pray about it.

blessings!

love, love, love

2008-10-10T00:13:00.002-05:00

The greatest of these is love.
Love as I have loved.
Love covers over all wrongs.
He who covers over an offence, promotes love.
A friend loves at all times.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.
Love builds up.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not rejoice in evil.
Love rejoices with truth.
Love never fails.
Do everything in Love.
His love endures forever.

Someday I might just get it.

Blessings.

Cry of my Heart

2008-09-30T13:37:00.004-05:00

For the better part of a week I have sat in front of one computer or another with the intention to blog. Thoughts about this, that, or the other thing have flooded my mind and yet, when I stare at the blank page here, I can not find the right words to share.

God's been working on me. Convicting me of some things, revealing to me some other things and reminding me of his grace and promises through so many more things. That's a lot of things!
Maybe some day soon he will give me the words to be able to share it all here. Or maybe these thoughts are so private that the words I'm looking for will never fully come.

For now, the lyrics to this song have been speaking volumes to where I'm at these days...

There's a cry in my heart

For your glory to fall

For your presence to fill up my senses.

There's a yearning again

A thirst for discipline

A hunger for things that are deeper

Could you take me beyond?
Could you carry me through?

If I open my heart

Could I go there with you?
For I've been here before

But I know there's still more
Oh Lord, I need to know you

For what do I have

If I don't have you, Jesus?

What in this life

Could mean anymore?
You are my Rock
You are my Glory
You are the lifter of my head

~Starfield

Blessings!

2008-09-04T13:19:00.002-05:00

How many times can I honestly say I'm moving before people start rolling their eyes?! No, I am not moving cities again (that would be torture), though I am moving houses. God knows what's going on in all of this and its all for him - I have to keep reminding myself of that.

On another note: I am blessed. I have this job where people come to me and talk. Sometimes I don't really want to sit an listen, but most of the time I am extremely blessed by the conversations that arise. The recurring theme this week at work has been about joy coming in the morning. Working in a recovery house is nowhere near easy. The emotions and thoughts that these women have to (finally) deal with on a daily basis is hard and tough to push through. So many times they just want to give up, find the nearest door and walk out it. Joy comes in the morning.

a long time coming...

2008-08-26T17:07:00.002-05:00

Wow. I haven't been around these parts in a while.

For a basic update:

I'm living in Vancouver again. Working for The Salvation Army in 2 locations (we'll see how long that lasts!), and living and enjoying life.
I've realized since being back here that I actually have to put some effort into seeing friends and hanging out - if I don't, I end up alone at home all the time. So far the effort has proved to be good. I've been getting to know a few people that I might otherwise have not had the chance to know too well, and great friendships are being formed. I'm diggin' that.

As I sit at my desk (where I am right now!), clients (I hate that term) are always passing bye. One lady just walked past, stuck her head in and said "its really nice to see you today." I am blessed.

Blessings to you.

the plans...

2008-06-07T01:45:00.002-05:00

My life has taken a drastic turn of events in the past 24 hours. I've hated it. Generally I am one who enjoys change, though I've come to realize while sitting here in the early hours of the morning that I only enjoy change when I'm choosing the change! Sounds pretty normal to life, I think.
Change is happening in my life right now whether I like it (or want it) or not. Its a frustrating time, full of thoughts, worry, doubt and uncertainty. Those are the emotions that have lingered in my brain these past hours. Then I read Alberta's blog and am greatly encouraged...

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.

5 You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! 8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, 10 even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. 11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—

12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God. They cannot be numbered! 18 I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! 19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers!

20 They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name.

21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

2008-05-24T12:25:00.002-05:00

I wonder if I should just copy and paste the first few lines here! It is exactly what I was thinking when I came here to log in.

An update on life in general? Its not going to badly. Everyday is busy in its own right, and as youth councils (next weekend) and camp (next month) approach, the days will only get busier.

Since I last updated you in April I:

~had friends visit
~hung out at starsearch
~continued to search for camp staff
~went to a really fancy wedding
~climb the rocky stairs in Philly
~continued to search for camp staff (I realize I've said this!)
~realized that certain friendships have/are changing and there is not much I can do about it

That is a small update on life. I'm sure I could go into more detail on any of those things, but its a sunny saturday afternoon and I refuse to spend my day inside! I will try to be here more....i will try...

Blessings.

back at it

2008-04-06T19:28:00.003-05:00

Every couple of months I remember how bad a blogger I am!! My sincerest apologies to those who actually swing by to read this little peice of my life(if there are actually people left!).

I have been back from vacation for 2 weeks and do not believe I have stopped going since...until today that is! Vancouver was a great time to spend with friends and be reminded of the fact that I should dive into using my spiritual gifts more often. Not so say that I never use them - but that I really need to put more focus on that. Having said that, it was a tiring week. I came home not feeling the refreshment that I was hoping to feel/receive, which made the following week feel more overwhelming than it had to be. Thankfully that was a 4 day week and it is now behind me.
That week led me into this past one. I was blessed enough to spend the majority of the week at Camp Ladore in PA. It is an extremely large camp(I was told that one village of the camp can easily walk 6 miles in a day just by going back and forth from their cabins to all the programs!!), but that is besides the point. I got to take part in a discipleship forum that was put together for the territories in the US and Canada. Much of my time this week was spent talking - seriously, I think we talked from 8am thru midnight(at least)everyday!! More important than the talking is the fact that Holy Spirit showed up in an exciting way. What a week it was. I am now spurred on to fulfill more than ever the great commission. Utterly amazing!!
Coming home on Friday, I was physically tired, but spiritually revived. My refreshment came by spending so much time worshiping the Lord and living in an act of worship with those around me. I now have something to strive for in the coming, very busy weeks.

Blessings.

Who Jesus is to me

2008-02-22T15:05:00.003-05:00

D - He's the Desire of all nations, the Door into everlasting life, Diaden of beauty, my Dwelling place, my Defence, and Deliverer. He's David's seed the Destroer of demons and he's my Doctor.

E - He is the Express Image of God, the Everlasting Father, the End of the law to everyone that believes, Eternal Light, the Exceeding great reward. He is Emmanuel - 'God with us'.

N - He is Nazarene, Near not far, the Name above all names.

I - He is the great I AM, the Image of the invisible God, Immortal, Invincible, Incorruptible. He is my Intercessor who ever lives for me.

S - He is my Salvation, Savious, and Servant, the See of the woman who bruised the serpent's head, Seed of Abraham through which all nations will be blessed. Shiloh, Son of God, Son of David, Shepherd and the Stone rejected. A Stumbling block to those who do not believe in Him, Son of Righteousness who rises with healing in His wings, He's my Shield, Strength, my Sword and Soon coming King. He is the SAME yesterday, today and forever.

E - He is the Express Image of God, the Everlasting Father, the End of the law to everone that believes, Eternal Light, the Exceeding great reward. He is Emmanuel - 'God with us'.

unashamed

2008-02-19T07:14:00.003-05:00

Continuing along the lines of receiving an abundance of grace, this song(by Starfield)has been resonating within my spirit.

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy

To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

presidential candidate

2008-02-16T12:06:00.003-05:00

There is a lot of talk these days about the presidential election happening here in the US. Being a Canadian citizen, I do not have the right to vote, but I was remembering back to a video from a few years ago with now presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Its entertaining to say the least.

grace in the midst of temptation

2008-02-15T20:19:00.002-05:00

I'm telling you, if there is one thing that I am thankful to God for, it is His grace(notive that I didn't say "only" one thing? Cause I'm thankful for a lot). I have been lapping up grace left, right, and centre these days. All the while temptations storms around me and I often fall prey to it.
A couple weeks ago in church I just wanted to worship. Worship like I haven't in a really long time. The worship choir started to sing and the names of the Lord rang aloud. God said to me, worship. So I did...

You are Lord of Lords
You are King of Kings
You are Mighty God, Lord of everything
You're Emmanuel
You're the Great I AM
You're the Prince of Peace who is the Lamb
You're my Living God
You're my Saving Grace
You will Reign Forever
You are Ancient of Days
You are Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End
You're my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and Friend
You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for YOU!

Blessings.

2008-01-29T21:14:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking this week about how truly difficult it is to stay in tune spiritually when it seems like many of those around you, the people you should be leaning on for guidance, are weighted down with so much spiritual garbage.

I'll be honest in saying that I haven't figured out the answer to this. I am in one of those ministry jobs where I have to give. I have chosen a Corps(church)to attend and the Officer wants so desperately for me to be involved in so many things. I feel as though I cannot give there right now. Is me attending regularly and tithing to the church not enough for now? I dont know. Is it selfish of me to feel this way? I don't know that either.

I just don't know.

Blessings.

find me...

2008-01-26T23:26:00.000-05:00

busy as a bee

2008-01-26T10:09:00.000-05:00

I find it interesting that when life is not so busy I am craving a faster pace. Yet, when life is going extremely fast, I could beg for it to slow down.

Life.

wow...

2008-01-22T20:30:00.000-05:00

Time certainly does fly when you don't have a regular internet connection.

I have been nudged by a certain faithful reader to begin blogging again now that I am back in the land of the internet connected. There have definitely been times in the past few months when I thought "that would make an excellent blog topic", though I will admit that I did not write any of them down. That is one habit I have not formed.

Things are stirring around me and in me.

Around me I see people who are burnt out with present experiences, who would rather give up than fight. I see them being afraid to speak up for what the Lord wants in their life and in the lives of those around them. Is the war ever worth not waging? I don't think so. Not when there are souls who are still dying.
In me there is a war going on. My flesh and spirit feel weak, but my heart and soul continue to press on daily in an attempt to win out over the world. Feels some days as though I am on a teeter-todder going up and down, up and down. I haven't yet figured out if its good or bad.

On a completely different personal note - I have moved into my apartment in Hartford and am enjoying it. With a sore bum, I type from the floor. Eventually I will have furniture. For now, I am happy with having a place to myself that is close to work and accessible to almost everything.

Blessings.

long time running...

2007-12-17T17:42:00.001-05:00

I realize its been a long time since my last post. This really has not been intentional. I have thought about blogging, and have even had things to share, but one thing stops me...WebSense. Its a system the Army has set up that blocks you from certain sites. So, suffice to say, because I am primarily logging on from Army connections, I cannot access this blog. Today however, I am sitting in a cafe enjoying some coffee and excellent brocolli chedder soup...and your company, of course.

Life is good. I have been in Connecticut for just over a month (I think) and am settling in well and learning (slowly) the ins and outs of my job. Camp applications have started to arrive, and interviews will start after Christmas. Before I know it June will be here and camp will start. WOW!

God is good. I have been attempting to choose a Corps(church)to attend here and thats been a difficult process. As I attend various ones on Sundays, the Lord blesses me in a different way. I've narrowed it down, now its just to pray it through. This is the first time in a long time that I've been able to choose which church I attend - its not an easy decision to make.

So yeah, God is good. He's been blesseing me on my commute to and from work everyday. I enjoy taking long drives by myself for that exact reason - God always speaks to me. Lately its been through a song (ok, so maybe that's not just a lately thing, but this is my song of late!) by Todd Agnew called 'My Jesus'. I haven't been able to get through it without tears and being reminded of the life in which God has called me to. I haven't been faithful to that life, unfortunately. He sends constant reminders and nudges me back to Him. God is good.

On another note, I am heading home to Toronto on Friday! It will be nice to see my family and a few friends. Once I get back life will get busier. I think I'm prepared for that.

Blessings.

Grace by which I stand

2007-11-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

For the time being I have a 40 minute commute to and from work. Some mornings the drive is longer, depending on when I actually get on the road. Having some good music play while I'm driving really helps to break up the time.
Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I enjoy driving distances alone. The time gives me time to think, pray and listen to the Lord. Plus, I can't drive and talk at the same time...the teens from Bangor would know this better than anyone! haha. So for now I'm enjoying(for the most part)the drive from camp to Hartford.

One day last week I popped a Keith Green cd into the player on my way into the city. I love Keith's music and have mentioned in on many occasions on this blog. His music has inspired me in my walk with the Lord and this day was no different.
On the way home the song 'Rushing Wind' began to play, and like usual, I started singing along. About half way through the song, the tears started to flow and I thought to myself "this is my life song." This particular song is one that has been with me through so many times in my life; good and bad. I remember singing it in church when I was about 17, listening and being inspired by it when I was struggling through things in college, praising God through it when there was much joy in my life and praying through it when I have truly desired for Holy Spirit to blow through the temple of my being.
As I listened to the words last week, I saw Gods preveniant grace in my life. It was so apparent to me that God has been there with me through it all. Starting in my teens when I didn't know what Grace was, to today when I desire to soak in the Lords grace more and more everyday. This is the Grace by which I stand...

Rushing wind blow through this temple,
Blowing out the dust within,
Come and breathe your breath upon me,
I've been born again.

Holy Spirit, I surrender, take me where you want to go,
Plant me by your living water,
Plant me deep so I can grow.

Jesus, you’re the one, who sets my spirit free,
Use me Lord, glorify, your Holy Name through me.

Separate me from this world Lord.
Sanctify my life for you.
Daily change me to your image,
Help me bear good fruit.

Every day you're drawing closer.
Trials come to test my faith.
But when all is said and done Lord,
You know, it was worth the wait.

Jesus, you’re the one, who set my spirit free,
Use me Lord, glorify, your Holy Name through me.
Rushing wind blow through this temple,
Blowing out the dust within,
Come and breathe your breath upon me,
For I've been born again.

Blessings.

Connecticut

2007-11-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are interested, life in Connecticut is going pretty well.
There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord has ordained this move, and that He has some amazing plans for the month to come.

Some of the things I've learned about people in CT:

1. Everyone drives fast. If the average speed limit on the Highway is 65mph, the majority of the drivers are going 80! They fly past me! And yes, I realize that would be funny for those who think I have a lead foot!

2. This is a very expensive state to live in! Rent is high, gas is high, everything is taxed(inluding your car!), and insurance is high(mine will double when I change it!!Grr!).

Ok, so just 2 for tonight. I'm tired and don't know how long the wireless signal I have is going to last.
Here's hoping that I will be able to access this site again tomorrow....

blessings.

On the road again...

2007-10-20T16:17:00.000-05:00

To quote The Littlest Hobo:

"Maybe tomorrow I'll wanna settle down, until tomorrow, I'll just keep movin' on..."

Ok, so its not exactly what I was looking to say, but I think of this show everytime I move to a new place. I think its because I often feel like The Littlest Hobo; moving from place to place, doing what God has for me to do there and moving onto the next place. Maybe it is fitting!

If you haven't figured it out, I am moving....again.
I'll be completely honest with you in saying that I'm looking forward to the actual moving part the least. I do enjoy change and am accepting it; just wasn't expecting it.
Where am I moving, you ask? Hartford Connecticut. You can see a picture of its skyline above.
I have never been there, but God has placed it in my lap(seriously!), so who am I to say no?!
Along with the move comes a new job. My title: Divisional Youth Ministries' Coordinator. Sounds so official, I know. A title is just a title, that doesn't mean much to me. Its what comes along with the job that I am excited about - discipleship, leadership, administration, camp!

Its going to be different and its going to be a challenge.
I am excited and ready for this, and to see how the Lord will play everything out. His hand has guided the whole decision making process, and when I say it fell into my lap, I feel as though I mean that literally. I am happy where I am and was not looking for something new - however, God knew His plans for me and how He wants to use the gifts He's given me. This is definitely the next step in His life plan for me.

I will pass along a address and new number once I know them. In the meantime, pray that this transition goes smoothly, that everything in Bangor remains grounded in the Lord and that my current roommate will be able to work something out quickly.

Blessings.

Kid Nation

2007-10-10T19:18:00.000-05:00

I don't know how much you all watch tv(if at all), but I've been following a new show this season - Kid Nation. For years I have believed that kids often get the short end of the stick in life; they get passed over for being young, and grown ups tend to only half listen when many kids are talking.

The show goes something like this:
There are 40 kids(or so)under the age of 15 brought together to a ghost town in New Mexico(I think!). While there, they are expected to build a town from scratch, like the pioneers would have done back in the day. They are seperated into 4 teams and compete to acheive various classes (upper, cooks, labourers, etc.). There is a town council consisting of 4 kids chosen before the show started and they make the overall decisions for the town. To help them make their decisions, they read a journal that is meant to be from the pioneer days, to assist them in learning how to create a town.
Tonight, the journal talked to them about religion and how figuring out what they believe could really bond them together. One of the kids went around figuring out what the religious backgrounds of them all were, and they spent a little time fighting over what was right and what was wrong. In the end, one of the girls brought them all together around a bonfire for prayer and thanksgiving. Many of the kids prayed for each other, for their time together and for strength - one of the jewish boys came and sang his prayer, closing their time together and really, really binding them together. I was blessed just to watch.

If you haven't talked(or listened)to a kid lately, do it. I promise it'll be worth it.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Give Thanks

2007-10-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I was blessed enough to be able to head back to Canada to celebrate thanksgiving with some great friends. For those of you in N.America who haven't figured it out yet, Canada celebrates Thanksgiving in October!!! It was great to have a change of scenery and visit with people I love dearly.

We sat around a beautiful table at my friends parents place to enjoy lots of laughs and some amazing food(I love turkey!). However, the part of the day that meant the most to me was the devotional time my friend shared. She could have done the traditional 'lets go around the table and say what we are thankful for.' Instead, she spent time in prayer, and asking her husband and I what we thought.

The scripture brought to us was from James 1, and talks about having joy through suffering and times of trial. It is so easy for us to give thanks to God when everything is going great, but what about when times are tough? Instead of retreating and allowing our hearts to become hard and bitter, we should be giving over all the more praise to God Almighty! It was a good reminder for me, and I hope for some others sitting around the table that day. In the end, knowing that we all have so many things to be thankful for, we went around the table and spoke out what it is about God that we are thankful for. For me, its his Grace. I am always learning how to sit under and receive it. Even when I don't understand and cannot(or will not)receive, He is gracious!

Give thanks!

Blessings.

I will give you rest

2007-09-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Seems simple, doesn't it? Tired? Worn out? Go to God. Get away with Him and you will recover. He will show you how to really rest. Take a walk with Him, work along side Him, and watch how He does things. Receive the grace that is flowing down without force. He doesn't plan on passing over anything too heavy to you. He's keeps pretty good company and with Him you'll learn some freedom and definitely feel a whole lot lighter.

I like it. Maybe I should try it!

Blessings.

8 random things

2007-09-27T20:58:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged. I don't normally do these things, but i'm kind of bored - so there you have it. I will now post 8 random things about myself. Maybe you'll learn something new...maybe you won't...

1. I have lived in 7 cities, in 4 provinces, in 2 states, in 2 countries. That makes sense, right? Looking at that you'd think I was an officers kid. I'm not - I just like to travel around.

2. I don't sleep well - ever. I haven't in years. Comes and goes in phases, I suppose.

3. When I was in the 3rd grade, my mom decided to cut my hair. It went from really long, to super short(like boy cut short!)...I was sad about it, so the day before picture day I decided to go a little shorter and cut my own bangs!!!! When my sister came home(she's 5yrs older than me), my mom says to her "don't laugh." Yeah, my mom totally set me up for that one! Lets just say I didn't look my best for picture day!

4. I have stuffed pink elephant that I've had since about 10 years of age. Her name is Ellie(creative, I know!). When I was younger, I used to sleep with her(holding onto her trunk while I did). Then once, when I was sick, I threw up on her! She has been put through the washing machine a few times since, but I don't sleep with her anymore - she's on the shelf in my room!

5. I still have my baby blanket. Its going on 31 years now. Its tattered and torn(to say the least), and I slept with it on my bed until I moved to Bangor(in January!). Its folded nicely in my closet now. I don't want to store it away, but definitely can't part with it just yet - its a comfort thing!

6. Other than clothes, some nicnaks, books and some kitchen stuff, I don't own anything in my apartment. Some of the stuff(tv, dvd player)is my roommates - other than that, its all bits and pieces from the thrift store!

7. I like change. I enjoy moving to new places, changing my furniture around and...well...change. I like it.

8. I have to shower daily. Ok, well actually, I could go without a shower, but I definitely need to wash my hair everyday!!!! I've been in places(missions and whatnot)where I couldn't - but if I'm in a place where its possible, then I am definitely washing my hair!

there you have it - 8 random things. its hard to come up with these things!!

my spirit

2007-09-25T09:06:00.000-05:00

my spirit, although very weak and tired today, feels something like this:

"How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of Heaven's Armies.
I long, yes, I faint with longing

to enter the courts of the Lord.
With my whole being, body and soul,

I will shout joyfully to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,

and the swallow builds her nest and raises her you

at a place near your altar,

O Lord of Heaven's Armies,

my Kind and my God!
What joy for those who can live in your house,

always singing your praises.
What joy for those whose strength come from the Lord,

who have set their minds on a pilgrimage

to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.

The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger,

and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
O Lord God of Heaven's Armies,

hear my prayer.

Listen, O God of Jacob.

O God, look with favour upon the king, our shield!
Show favour to the one you have anointed.
A single day in your courts

is better than a thousand anywhere else!

I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God

than live in the good life in the homes of the wicked.
For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.

He give us grace and glory.

The Lord will withhold no good thing

from those who do what is right.

O Lord of Heaven's Armies,

what joy for those who trust in you."

Psalm 84

The Real Jesus

2007-09-23T13:58:00.000-05:00

For many months I've been receiving a word from God for the church - well, for my particular part of the church(body)here in Bangor. Its been coming and coming, piece by piece for, like I said, months now.
The book I'm currently reading(Irresistible Revolution - Shane Claiborne) is filling in spots of God's word to the church and acting as much needed confirmation for me. Because this word is possibly(I'll never be 100% sure until God tells me to speak it!)for the people here, and because God hasn't yet released me to share it with them, I can't possibly in good conscience share it in whole here. However, it has a lot to do with the real Jesus, and how we know him.

Jesus on the radio, Jesus on a late night show
Jesus in a dream, looking all serene
Jesus on a steeple, Jesus in the Gallup poll
Jesus has His very own brand of rock and roll
Watched Him on the silver screen
Bought the action figurine
But Jesus is the only name that makes you flinch

Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the mystery of the real Jesus

Jesus started something new
Jesus coined a phrase or two
Jesus split the line at the turning point of time
Jesus sparked a controversy
Jesus, known for His mercy,
gave a man his sight
Jesus isn't white
Jesus loves the children, holds the lambs
Jesus prays a lot
Jesus has distinguishing marks on His hands

If anybody walks behind the Good Shepherd
If anybody holds the hands that heal lepers
And if you recognize the eyes that see forever, please...

Jesus, Jesus
Oh, can anybody show me Jesus
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory, the real Jesus
Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory of the real Jesus, the real Jesus

(song by downhere - wide eyed and mystified)

staking claim - Isaiah 40:28-31

2007-09-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.

His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no
might He increases strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,

But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. "

one glance held hostage

2007-09-21T23:02:00.000-05:00

i am feeling a little(ok, a lot)weary at the moment. my weeks are full and fulfilling, and they go by quickly. the time that i spend with God is great, though not enough - i've got to keep pushing forward on that one - i desire more. my physical body is tired(especially my eyes)but my spirit has been feeling interestingly light.

some months ago God was calling to me to wait upon Him. He was preparing to show me things and wanted me to be prepared for what was to come. this week He has been faithful to that word. through my physical weakness, God began to reiterate some of what He's been telling me these past few months - that i am in a time of waiting upon Him, that bangor, for me and my gifts is a stepping stone for what the future holds - that's so exciting. what is considered future? i don't know the answer to that one, but God calls on me to wait upon Him. He has given me promises for my life, my gifts in leadership and others...

now i wait. not an impatient waiting; not the kind of waiting you do while searching for something else, but a content waiting. content with who i am in this moment. content with my life and how God is leading it. content with where i am and who i am waring along side. things are falling into place. revelation is coming on words spoken, prayers sent up to the heavens and promises given. this is the best way to wait.

"You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes..." SOS 4:9

to GO or to STAY

2007-09-17T10:59:00.000-05:00

the thoughts are swarming my brain. they are going on and on and on.

having said that, i will apologize now for the fact that this may possibly branch into tangents(or rants?)all over the place. its where i'm at.

currently i am reading 'irresistible revolution' by shane claiborne. its part of what's got my brain in a whirlwind.
we are commanded in the gospel of Matthew to "go and make disciples of all the nations..."(Mt.28:18-20). then why are so many of us sitting at home?
there is also a keith green song that says
"Jesus commands us to go, it should be the exception if we stay.
its no wonder we're moving so slow, when His church refuses to obey,
feeling so called to stay."

now, i'm not trying to imply that no Christian should ever stay in one place for a longer period of time, cause there are some great examples of people who went into places and stayed(mother teresa is just one). however, those people were also one's willing to not settle for anything, they preached to the poor, the destitute. people were getting saved and going out to save more. that's the key, they were going out to save more - not getting saved and becoming comfortable in that, so comfortable that they fill yet another pew in the church.

sitting here i start to think about mega churches. you know, those churches that are filling to the brim and seem to be getting people saved all over the place. i don't think i could ever attend a mega church. again, let me stipulate that i don't have any issues with churches being filled to the brim or getting people saved! in fact, i want and pray that this will happen in my own church. the issue in my thought process comes when people come in, get saved and stay in. how many of those people are pew fillers? how many have really been called to stay in the good 'ol USofA? this country is full of churches that are filled with people. then how come its no longer considered a Christian nation?(yes, i realize there is probably some debate on this notion!) because too many people are staying in rather than going out! end of story.
i think this is why i have felt God tell me to stay with and fight alongside the salvation army. the premise for getting people saved and sanctified is in our history, now we just need to get back to it...we're getting there. however, there has been a decline in the making of salvation army officers over the past 10 years in this country(as well as in my home country of canada). why are we having such a hard time producing officers? people aren't feeling "the call?" that's a bunch of bologne! if we are called to fill a pew, we are called to spread the gospel. and if we're just filling a pew for the sole purpose of being there, then we definitely need to check our hearts and start praying for God to show us the errors in our ways.
OR
we could read the gospel and learn from the best example of them all - JESUS.

"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. but we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. we pretend to be unable to unserstand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. take any words in the new testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. my God, you will say, if i do that my whole life will be ruined. how would i ever on in the world? herein lies the real place of Chrisitian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible. to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the new testament." Soren Kierkegaard

when was the last time you read the gospel? if its been a while, you should have a go of it. be warned though, it could possibly mess everything that you know up...wouldn't that be fabulous???

blessings.

2007-08-31T10:32:00.000-05:00

Since I've been preparing for the fall season and all that comes with it, I have been thinking about the church and how it looks in regards to children(0-18yrs).

"It is in the clatter of young feet that we hear the tramp of the coming worlds. It is from the arsenals of the playground, the schoolyard, and the nursery, that we alone hope to replenish our resources and march our armies to contend for God and truth, when we ourselves are marshalled above."

Interesting enough, I started this blog over a week ago and have no idea where that quote comes from! I'm looking in my journal, in my day planner...nothing...it came from nowhere! Ah well, the words are still good!

We've started a 3 day p/week kids klub at the corps. I wasn't 100% sure of how it would go, but the Lord kept on speaking to me through various things. Sitting alone in the last row of the chapel, my eyes were closed and my thoughts were lifted to the Lord. I could feel a presence around me, that of young children. In my mind's eye, I was no longer alone, my prayers were going up, as were those of the children around me. God is good.

Times have been busy and I am blessed. The next time you hear the clatter of little feet, praise the Lord for them and think about the coming world. These kids are going to knock down walls in Jesus name.

Blessings.

addiction

2007-08-29T13:46:00.000-05:00

when you think of addiction, what comes to mind?

drugs, alcohol...anything else? what about self-addiction? food? i've spent time amongst those who are addicted to various things, and have made some friendships with those who have won the battle, are still battling, and even those who lost. how much use was i to them when i wasn't working on my own addiction?

i got to thinking about addiction at 3am this morning. i couldn't sleep, my back was aching, my stomach felt empty and i just really wanted to eat something...anything.

you see, my roommate and i started a diet on monday. we are currently on day 3 and doing pretty well. though last night when i couldn't sleep(this is normal for me) and was feeling all those 'symptoms,' i couldn't help but to call myself an addict; addicted to food, to what the world tells me its ok to eat. its not ok. i was definitely feeling that at 3am this morning. but you know what? that didn't stop me from wanting to eat something with sugar in it. didn't stop me from wanting to munch on the first thing i could find.

the bible says that our bodies are the temple of god. then what the heck are we doing to our temples? i've been abusing mine, that's for sure. i wouldn't walk into my church building, sit on one of the chairs and start carving my name in wood, or wipe my nose in the upholstry. so why am i treating my personal temple so badly. addiction. its sin. i've been trying to live a life of holiness and falling from the fullness of it because of the way i have been treating myself, and the way i encourage others (not upfront, but by example) to treat themselves. its sin.

today the scale tells me that i am 3.5 pounds lighter. whether that is accurate or not is besides the point. my personal temple is getting some much needed fall cleaning. life cleaning. its striping itself of the addiction and fullness that society says is needed - and working towards a different kind of fullness. the kind that can only come from Christ Jesus.

i'm beating my addiction.

blessings.

a fruity life

2007-08-28T13:47:00.000-05:00

Many times in the life of this blog I have shared about the fruit of the sprit. I desire to have such a fruit filled life that I cannot resist sharing!

We are starting up an after school program at the corps(church). It starts next week. In some ways I feel prepared and so excited to kick start this and have kids filling the rooms of the downstairs. In other ways I fell ill-prepared, as though I haven't put in enough time and effort yet. Either way, we start up next week and I feel confident that God is prepared to bless us in a big way - he's been doing so already!

Back to the fruit!

Having such a strong desire and will to live out the fruit of the spirit in my own life, I thought this would be the perfect teaching subject for Kids Klub(the above stated program). We will be having a short teaching time each day(15-20mins). I felt confirmed in this decision last Sunday when Josh spoke on Joy and mentioned the fruit in his sermon. So today I began to pray the fruit into the lives of all the children who will come through our doors...

that they will learn to love each other they way God wants us to love, and the way he loves us,
that they will be filled with joy, no matter what the circumstance of their young lives,
that peace will be in the minds, and show through their actions,
that patience will come naturally, pushing aside that the world tells us we need to hurry,
that kindness will pour from their mouths...'from the mouths of babes...',
that goodness will be seen in their eyes so precious,
that they will learn faithfulness to be attainable in this corrupt world
that gentleness with be the new strength,
that no matter how the world is whirling around them, self-control will prevail.

If you're of the praying persuasion, pray for us. Pray that kids will drawn in, that relationships will be nurtured and that Jesus will reign over all we do with them.

On a completly different topic, I got a book today that I'm excited to start reading. Its Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. We are going to begin reading it in my sunday school class. Since I'm not gifted in teaching, we have been going through books, reading them together and allowing them to generate discussion - its been great! We started with Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It was awesome to see the confirmation that God gave to us through the words, our discussion and then the morning meeting(sermon and whatnot). God is good! I am looking forward to this next book, I've heard great reviews.

Finally, on a personal note, I have started a diet! The South Beach Diet to be exact. I have never made the choice to start an actual diet program, but have borrowed the book to this one and it seems so easy. I like the easiness of it. These first 2 weeks are the hardest, as we're(my roommate and I)attempting to rid our bodies of their addictions to sugar and bad carbs. Its the hardest for me because my sister and her family were just here on vacation and brought me so many yummy Canadian things that I'm currently(for the next few weeks) not allowed to eat!! They will be good treats as I slip various things back into my diet slowly. We'll see how it goes.

Blessings.

The Lady in the Water

2007-08-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

Jesus on the cross.

I watched the movie 'The Lady in the Water' last night. It was interesting and enjoyable. It also got me thinking about some things - mainly us as human beings with gifts from God and how we have such a tendancy to use those gifts very little, or we try and use gifts that we want but don't necessarily have.

In the movie there was 'Story' a narf who was trying to get home to her world. She needed help from the guild, the healer, the interpreter and the guardian. They were all meant to use their various gifts to aid her in getting to her home. Compare this to how we live as Christians -

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up." Ephesian 4:11-12

God has given each of us specific giftings so that we can assist each other, save souls and aid people in getting to their eternal home!

'Story' said: "Man thinks they are alone in this world, they are not. They are all connected. One action can change everything." Are we really all connected? I think we are. Just as 'Story' connected the people with the right gifts to work together in the movie, Jesus connected Christians together by dying and making it to his home; he connects us with the right gifts to work together for his kingdom.

I think its time for us to stop playing church and start using the actual gifts he given us to their potential.

Blessings.

life is good

2007-08-22T14:32:00.000-05:00

eternal life is better!

ha. sorry, a little ReliantK there before I start!

This is one of those time when I have, yet again, been asked to blog. I often feel as though I don't have much to share.

God is good. I was at a point in my job recently where I honestly didn't have much vision. I couldn't see where it was going to go and actually questioned if I was meant to be here long term. Anyone who knows me will know that I'm not generally a long term sort of person. My niece, Brooklyn, has actually taken to calling me "the traveller" in recent days. Funny stuff.

What exactly is long term? 5 years? 10 years? The longest I've been in one place was 7 years, other then when I was a young child. I enjoy change, moving things and myself.

So where am I going with all this? God knows what He's doing. Just when I began to question, he came in and showed me the vision, gave me, hope, a future for Bangor. I'm excited for it. Long term, in terms of Bangor(and the gov't who gives me my work visa),looks like it'll be at least a few more years. Exciting times.

Blessings.

righteous anger

2007-08-09T23:58:00.001-05:00

I hate the devil. I despise him. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of how he schemes, plots to kill, steal and destroy. he loves these early morning hours when people should be sleeping, yet, the cannot because he is busy filling their minds with lies! Makes me SO angry!!!!!!

My friends, "Be strong in the Lord and in his might power. Put on all of God's armor so that ou will be able to stand firm against all the strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh and blod enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against might powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up wht shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, whis is the word of God."

friends are lovely

2007-07-24T15:59:00.000-05:00

I enjoy having friends; people who love me, pray for me(that's the best), want to see me rise above all else and laugh uncontrolably with me. I have some great friends who will do all of those things with me. I am loved.

To Meghan and RoRo - I love you. You are dear to me and I look forward to the day when we are together again(maybe even the 3 of us!!). This was for you ;)

Blessings.

is it finished?

2007-07-10T20:44:00.000-05:00

I believe that I may be finished blogging for the time being. Maybe I'm just taking a sabbatical. Just feels empty, as though there is nothing worth saying that anyone needs or wants to hear. I don't want to be empty in any area of my life, so maybe I need to get rid of those places that are??

I might be back...but I might not be.

transition

2007-06-29T10:34:00.000-05:00

Transition is often very tough. When you are involved in a church like The Salvation Army as I am, you learn early on about transition and change. Doesn't make it any easier in the end.
As my previous blogs have stated, we here in Bangor are going through transition; change. Doug and Deb Burr(our former Officers)have moved on to Rhode Island, and our new Officers have arrived with their family and are attempting to settle themselves here in Bangor and get acclamated with what's going on in their new home.
I am the kind of person who likes change. I enjoy moving the furniture around, rearranging things to look different. I enjoy moving and not staying in one place for an extended period of time(that time changes with God).
So much prayer as gone up for this particular change, and God assured me(and others) that this was right and good. Even though I felt that confirmation I was weary, questioning in my head. I'm not questioning anymore.
Things are changing. People have come, people have gone, but one thing remains the same...

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

God never changes - Hallelujah!

Blessings.

"efficiency in personal interaction"

2007-06-23T14:50:00.000-05:00

The title of this particular blog is taken from a book called 'Blue Like Jazz' by Donald Miller. We have been reading it in my Sunday school class these past months, and that one line(highlighted in my book)really stuck out to me as we read and discussed the chapter on community.
Through these past few years i have had the opportunity to live in community with other brothers and sisters in Christ. I lived in a slum hotel room with 3 amazing warrior women, I lived in a community apartment with about 16 other faithful friends, and now I live in another apartment with one roommate. All different, yet very much the same.
It hasn't mattered how many people I live with, whether we have a living room, kitchen, bathroom, or are all in one large room together, I have always desired to have "efficiency in personal interaction." What does this really mean? I'm set in my ways. I like things done my way. I'm obsessive compulsive. Anal(?). In other words, I'm very selfish. God has been showing me this as I go through this most recent stint of community living. Thankfully, He has been weeding out a lot of the selfish wants that I have for efficiency through these past 2 years and I have been able to come through this newest season much smoother - and without as many unnecessary, unhealthy words. I am thankful.
This doesn't mean that I am settled or stable. It means I'm ok, content, ready.
The Lord has been giving me warnings of things to come - not to mean things that will happen, but things that could happen - so that I can pray through them, for or against them. Some of what has taken place in my dreams has already come to fruition, and praise the Lord, prayers have been answered. Still there is more to pray through/for/against. Nervousness has set in somewhat. I'm praying against this!
Things are changing - good, bad - I don't know yet, to be honest. Only time will tell.

Blessings.

**addendum 1**
After posting this, I read over some of my most recent posts and received some revelation from God...
I have been wondering lately why all of a sudden I'm having, and remembering, so many dreams(obvious warnings). Well, I've been thinking about, reading about, writing about and talking about living an un-compromising life with Jesus for a very long time. Finally, about 2 years ago, I take the step of faith and slowly start leading this life, although not to complete fullness. Now is the time. He's showing me that now might be the time to step up and stepping up could cause me to be bashed down.
More things to pray into...

Instructed to blog

2007-06-20T15:00:00.000-05:00

So I have been instructed to blog again.

There comes times when I just don't have that much to share, or that much that I really want to share. So then what's the point?

I don't know if I shared with you all or not...I was given a car. It came through as a donation and I was blessed with it. Here's the kicker - its a 5 speed and I've never driven a 5 speed before. Today was a first.

My friend Michelle was nice enough to give me a lesson. The basics on when to use the clutch, what to do with the gas and on a hill. I got used to driving around the parking lot of the high school, although I did do some crazy peelage trying not to roll too much on the hills!! Then I got comfortable and decided to go for the ride back to the church. What happened you ask? I stalled twice at one stop sign(causing me to get a little flustered), and was being super cautious. I also stalled trying to park!! That may sound weird, but I didn't want to put on too much gas and feel as though I was going to fly into the side of the building.

The drive home should be interesting. *sigh*

rebelling flesh

2007-06-14T15:11:00.000-05:00

Currently I'm enjoying a book called 'No Compromise.' Its the life story of Christian recording artist, Keith Green, as told by his wife, Melody and using various exerpts from his personal journal.

Its been getting to me. It always gets to me. I've read this particular book a half dozen times since I got it, and every time, something new comes from it.

There is something going on in my spirit these days. As of yet I haven't been able to pinpoint it, though it doesn't feel bad. However, satan is doing his best to work on my while I make attempts to figure it all out. In some area's I've allowed him access, in others, not at all. My spirit wants to fight and my flesh wants nothing to do with fighting - no surprise there.

"God is the most loving person in the universe. That means he's also the most sensitive person in the universe. Love is making yourself vulnerable. The more you love, the more you can get hurt. How would you like to have eyes that saw every sin that was ever committed every single day? The Bible says, 'The eyes of the Lord are in all places watching the good and evil.' Our sin hurts God.
God is the most patient person in the universe, but time is running out. the Bibel says there will come a day called the Day of the Lord. It will come as a theif in the night. In that day no flesh will be justified or glorified before the Lord. that means we'd better get out of the flesh quick!" ~KG~

And that's where I'm at.

Where Things Are Clear

2007-06-11T11:46:00.001-05:00

He's brought me low
So I could know
The way to reach the heights.

To forsake my freams
My self-esteem
And give up all my rights.

With each on that I lay down,
A jewel's placed in my crown.
Because his love
The things above--is all we'll ever need.

He's brought me here
Where things are clear,
And trials turn to gold.

"We are nothing but dust. Our lives are not ours. Our bodies are not ours. Our future is in your hands. The Lord is making me ready to die--completely--I don't deserve to live--so come Spirit of the holy God--live instead of me. there is no joy left in life but to realize I am nothing and let God be what he is--all."
~KG~

2007-06-10T09:55:00.001-05:00

unworthy

unloved

unknown

life. love. lies. so many lies.

tired of the cliches and cliche answers.

tired of idle conversations.

time to die...

to myself.

No Compromise

2007-06-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

"Please, God, in Christ's name and teachings I want to be chosen to be with you...on your side only! No possibilities of any other master or side or path, or pseudo light, belief, or god. I want to forsake the evil one now!! I want to die for you, God, and be reborn a whole disciple. Living, emulating, and shining Your will, teachings, and bearing fruits everyday to everyone.
I love you, God. And I know you love me! the devil hates me more every day. he despises me more the closer I get to you. he's loosing his grip. Praise you, God. Your light is the only thing I want to see--and the only thing I want to reflect."

crabby??

2007-05-31T20:03:00.000-05:00

No better way to spend Memorial Day in Maine than enjoying a little seafood.

Crab anyone??

I feel...

2007-05-30T13:36:00.001-05:00

tired. i am averaging 8hrs of sleep a night and yet i can't shake the tiredness.

happy/sad. moments of both come and go daily.

confused. have narrowed this feeling down to my heart. where to go with it next is another story.

lost. like i'm wandering in the wilderness looking for something familiar, when all around me are familiar surroundings.

content with it all - yet not. is that normal?

Feeling the need...

2007-05-25T18:39:00.000-05:00

I have spent much of this feeling the need to blog, yet, not. Weird.
Don't know how to explain that one.

Life around here is full of changes.

The Burr's(My Corps Officers)have been moved to Rhode Island.
This will be a good move for them, even if it will be tough for many
of us left here in Bangor.

Have been chatting to a friend today about much in life not being about us -
Officer moves, friends moving...everyone following God's call. Then we get selfish and sad, wanting to believe that when things change we will be alone
in the world. I felt that for a while when I first moved to Bangor,
even though I was the one that did the leaving?

Endless ramblings.

Change is not a bad thing. Change can move us forward.
I'm going to try and remember that.

Pray for the Burr's as they pack up, farewell and say goodbye.
Pray for the Lyle's as they pack up, farewell(in Derry, NH),
say goodbye and come to Bangor.
Blessings.

Youth Councils Weekend

2007-05-21T15:19:00.000-05:00

What a weekend!

Nestled between being very, very cold and really tired was Holy Spirit.

A little background into Northern New England...

Spiritually the ground in this area is hard - very hard! After arriving here I heard this area referred to as the cold NorthEast. It can literally get super cold around here(temp wise) - I have experienced that first hand. However, the cold that I am talking about is different. Its the spiritual effect of the work of satan.

Many of the Christians around Northern New England have become stale, stagnant, allowing satan to step in and harden up the ground; the very ground that my friends and I are trying to pound. When pounding hard spiritual pavement, its difficult to mold things into the way God really wants. Soft ground is so much easier to deal with; easier to mold. Because the ground is hard and difficult to form does not mean we stop trying. God is commanding the Army here to work, plow hard, struggle though because He is here and wants satan out!

At Youth Councils '06, Holy Spirit moved amonst the young people in this division mightily! It was amazing. I was blessed to be a part of that. Coming back into YC '07 I had a feeling that much of what had happened the year before had slipped into just a simple memory; the memory of "a good time." That wasn't good enough. So walking into some sessions this past weekend brought on very heavy spiritual feelings.

Thinking about hard ground makes me think of my dad's death. My dad passed away in the winter when the ground was frozen and very hard. Because of this, they were not able to bury him until the spring when the temperature rose and the ground softened; causing us to have to go through many of the same feelings that we thought we dealt with back in the winter. I was reminded of this when looking at comparisons of YC '06 and '07.

The process of softening the ground started here last year. Then winter hit, hardening the ground, bringing worldly vices into the lives of the teens, leaving a few left to struggle, attempting to dig up the ground with a tiny little shovel.

The process continued this year with many of the teenagers around here throwing off these vices that were keeping them from realizing that they are seen, known and loved by God. Holy Spirit showed up once more time and blew over everyone present. Many of the teens headed home in good standing with Jesus, having dealt with much sin in their lives. Praise the Lord.

At the end of the weekend my heart began to feel a very heavy burden for all the young people present. That burden shifted from them to their leaders. The teens understood what was going on, they were seeking after God wholeheartedly(Jeremiah 29:13), now it is up to the leadership. If we don't start pushing things relationally(spirit-led)then things will remain just how we've always known them to be(program led)...then where will we be? In this exact same spot next year; waiting for God and begging Holy Spirit to show up at these larger youth events, then going home and twiddling our thumbs, getting back into the daily grind...the grind that satan loves to pounce on.

I was able to give this last word to the youth leaders of this division and confirmation was given by many. The ground, in respect to the youth, is now becoming softer, almost muddy...its fun to play in the mud! Pray for us as we work to make sure it stays that way.

Blessings.

a few things

2007-05-17T10:09:00.000-05:00

this morning as i washed the dishes in my sink i realized that i have a love/hate relationship with dishes. i love them because they allow me to eat on a clean surface and aid in not having a mess all over the place. i hate them because after eating on said clean surface, they are dirty, then i have to clean them. i dislike washing the dishes. in order to have the love relationship with them they need to be clean. love/hate.

i also have a love/hate relationship with my bed. i hate making my bed. my logic is, why should i make something that i'm only going to mess up again at the end of the day? however, i love the way my bedroom, and bed, look when its made. clean, fresh. almost giving me the feeling as though i would be climbing into clean sheets every night. if i only took the time to make it. the question then is, how long would that feeling last? love/hate.

on a more serious note: God has been giving me some crazy dreams lately. those of you who know me know that i rarely remember my dreams, so....some of my nights have been nuts these past couple of weeks! i've literally woken up and said to myself "did i just dream that or did it actually happen?" that's how real many of them feel...kinda intense.

God has also been calling me into a time of intercession. now, by His giftings, i am an intercessor and should be praying a lot more. He's been calling out to me to spend a serious amount of time in the prayer room that we now have here at the Corps. God is wanting that room to be a special place, a place where people find refuge...i need to get in there and start it up. i say that here so that people will know, and in turn, ask me about my time in there...so ask me, ok? i'm going to start scheduling my time in there in my planner - not because i have such a crazy busy schedule - but because the administrator side of me will follow what i write down - anal much?? =)

heading out to boston soon to pick up stephanie(our war college summer student). she will be living with me for the summer. i look forward to having a roommate.
welcome to bangor, stephanie.

need to clarify?

2007-05-14T12:17:00.000-05:00

Just to clarify - my post from Saturday was not meant as the status of my heart or geared towards any one person!!
A friend of mine had sent me a movie(in hindi with english subtitles!!!) and those are some quotes from it that I really liked - minus the boys are dumb part...that was me.
You see, the boy in the movie, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai(Something Happens)was blinded to the fact that his best friend loved him - he loved her too, but not the same love...at least he didn't think so until he lost her friendship over his choice to love another...and I thought, "how stupid, boys are dumb!" =) In the end the strength of their friendship led them to marriage - which is partly how I think it should be, along with(first)a love for God.

Had the opportunity to attend a Deeper Life weekend on Healing. A lot of good teaching came out of it - as well as some excellent words and revelation into some illness amongst the group.

Speaking of illness, if you could all pray for my sister, that would be appreciated.
She has been diagnosed with paroxysmal arterial fibrillation. That is the fancy way to say that the top and bottom halves of her heart are beating at seperate times instead of together - cause her heartrate to often skyrocket - as it did the other night. As it looks right now, she'll be on medication for the rest of her life. Prayers for healing are welcome and appreciated!

Blessings.

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

2007-05-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

the heartfelt stays in the heart...

boys are dumb.

bonds of the heart are based on feelings, not principles.

sometimes saying what you feel can break your heart.

but by not saying it you won't be happy.

"love is friendship."

something new?

2007-05-11T11:28:00.000-05:00

ok, ok, so I like change.

shifting brings change. this is just the start.

shifting

2007-05-10T13:35:00.000-05:00

shifting.

feels as though my life is going through a shifting phase right now.

what does that mean? if i knew exactly, i would tell you, however, i don't.

shifting =
tr. To move or transfer from one place or position to another.
To alter (position or place).

intr.
To change position, direction, place, or form.
To provide for one's own needs; get along: "See me safe up: for my coming down, I can shift for myself" (Thomas More).
To get along by tricky or evasive means

interesting.

I am shifting.

more fun stuff

2007-05-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

I've been serious a lot lately, so I don't feel about throwing in some fun stuff...

My friend Ashley keeps doing these things. I laugh at hers then feel the need to do it myself - go figure!

**You'll need to open another window so you can use Google at the same time. Scroll thru all the things you find and type in 3 good headings (or sentences under the headings) that fit in each of the categories below. This can be quite hilarious**

Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search

1. Denise needs love in her life...doesn't everybody?
(Oh man, oh man, oh man! That's all I'm saying.)

2. Denise needs to view crunch fat burning pilates and take some lessons.
(thanks for the reminder-ha!)

3. Denise needs a team of committed people to pray for her.
(do I ever!)

Type in "[your name] is" in Google search:

1. Denise is a scum bag
(awwww =( )

2. Denise is arguably the most prolific law blogger.

3. Denise is currently the chair for the American Indian studies program.

Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search

1. Denise likes Gotta find nuts, gotta find nuts, gotta find nuts...

2. Denise like flowers
(why yes I do! I was recently given some beautiful tulips!)

3. Denise likes to set her own pace
(yep, I do, I admit it.)

Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:

1. Denise wants to share her expertise about living with a disability.
(aww...Ash, you don't have one, but apparently I DO!!!!)

2. Denise wants 'Reign in Spain'

3. Denise wants sole custody of the kids
(hmmm...kids??)

Type in "[your name] gets" in Google search

1. Denise gets an opinion on IMdB

2. Denise gets some therepy from Skyn Iceland.

3. Denise gets a fresh new routine

Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:

1. Denise says on the active rain real estate network

2. Denise says hello, 25 years old, female
(ha. I do need a little love in my life, remember!! This would have been a few years ago!)

3. Denise says she didn't mean to fall for Richie
(I'm now living the life of Denise Richards!)

Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:

1. Denise loves Rock Lobster
(huh?)

2. Denise loves her som e MUSH potatoes

3. Denise loves Scott
(I don't even know Scott!)

Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:

1. Denise hates having her picture taken

2. Denise hates CPS
(whatever that is!)

3. Denise hates her hair
(that's just a false statement all together! If there is one thing I like about myself its my hair!)

Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:

1. Denise has best bikini body
(if only!)

2. Denise has appeared regularly on numerous television shows
(SHOW ME THE MONEY!!)

3. Denise has taught seminars in 19 countries and has written 14 books
(man, I'm accomplished!)

Ok, that's the end of it. Some funny stuff in there...

blessings.

the music of my heart

2007-05-08T10:36:00.000-05:00

I love music. Sometimes...well...many times, there are songs with lyrics that bring up so many emotions and remind me of people, or places, or things that I have experienced in my lifetime.
I added a new album to my ipod yesterday and it had one of those songs on it. Hit me right in the heart... and the head.

Funny. I had every intention of sharing the song with you this morning. But as I sit here typing, it just doesn't feel right. The intended song does bring up a lot of emotions and thoughts for me, though right now doesn't seem the right time to share it. Seems as though its one of those songs that God is giving me as confirmation and clarity of some things I've been questioning Him about lately.

It is(now)a song of hope for me(the song isn't actually about hope!). Reminding me in this moment to hold on and not give up on what the Lord has spoken to and promised me.

Do not fear. There it is again.

Blessings.

facing the giants

2007-05-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

Do you believe in second chances
Or in a love that never fades
Put your faith in what you can’t see
Just put your hand in mine
And I’ll show you the way

I am grateful that God is the God of second chances; He has given me many and today He's given me one more. I only hope man can give me one more.

Never mind your worries
Never mind your fears
They can only take you far from me
When you feel there’s nowhere
Left for you to turn
Well, I got all you want
And everything you need
Come on back to me

"This is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life --whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Any why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God care so wonderfully for wildflowers that we here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. See the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously and will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:25-34

Worry - along with fear - have been my middle names these past few days. Even after the above verses were prayed over me; I was not in posture to receive. I did not want to face the giants.

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

Did you know that "Do not fear" is in the Bible 365 times? Do you(or I)thing that God would put it there so many times if He didn't want us to understand and truly believe that? Thought provoking question.

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you can never win!"
"You can never win"

GOD is the the GOD of 2nd chances and today He wants my faith. He's asking for a mustard seed.

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me...

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Do not fear. Honour God.

life today...

2007-05-07T11:58:00.001-05:00

...is a struggle...

The Soundtrack of My Life...

2007-05-04T09:25:00.000-05:00

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.

This is my life as a movie soundtrack...

Opening Credits: More than Fine - Switchfoot

Birth: Spoken For - Mercy Me

Growing Up: Dare you to Move - Switchfoot

Waking Up: I Miss You Here - Downhere (first line is..."Hey, how are you today!)

First Day At School: Hi - Only Forward

Bad Experience: Unbelievable - Downhere

Falling In Love: Faust, Midas and Myself - Switchfoot(if I believed in signs, I would take this one as not good!! lol!)

Breaking Up: Everybody's Changing(HA!) - Keane

1st date: I Bless Your Name - Don't know who is singing it! Things are on a better line with this one!

Prom: Jesus Commands Us to Go - Keith Green (oh man!!)

Chase Scene: Little Things - Only Forward

Fight Scene: She Has No Time - Keane

Life's OK: This is Your Life - Switchfoot

Driving: On Fire - Switchfoot

Flashback: Meant to Live - Switchfoot (I think I have a little too much Switchfoot on my itunes!)

Loss of A Friend: The Summer of my Love - Only Forward

Concert of a lifetime: Can't Stop Now - Keane

Getting Back Together: Your Grace Still Amazes Me(haha!)

Graduation: Let Your Love Be Strong - Switchfoot

Wedding: Forgive Yourself - Downhere

Honeymoon: Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble - Delerious!

Birth of Child: Word of God Speak - Mercy Me

Final Battle: Oh Lord, You're Beautiful - Keith Green

Death Scene: Thank You, Lord - No idea who is singing it!

Funeral Song: Amateur Lovers - Switchfoot

End Credits: Praising God(? Don't really know the name) - David Crowder

Bloopers: Shackles(Praise You) - MaryMary

Deleted Scenes: American Dream - Switchfoot

Have a go at this - its kinda funny how the titles of some of the songs fit with the time in life!!

Good Morning! Its about time you woke up...

2007-05-02T09:40:00.000-05:00

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
Don't let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don't even hang around people like that.
You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.
Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.
Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants. Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 5:1-20(The Message)

Ever have those moments where you feel unfaithful? Unfaithful to your spouse, or friend? Unfaithful to God?
I have in the past felt, and sadly been, unfaithful to friends. I have a handful of close, more intimate friends; those who I tell 98% of my stuff to and who know a heck of a lot about me. I have another handful of friends who, while they may not know all my dirt, come very close to it!
Is it right for me to hold some closer to my heart than other? Am I being unfaithful to the 2nd handful by holding them in very close esteem(dearly loved) and yet still holding back from them for one reason or another?

One thing I know for certain is that I have without a doubt been unfaithful to God. He's called out my name time and time again, and many of those times I have not answered or listened.
I have doubted His promises.
I have lusted after men.
I have not been faithful with my money.
I have been slothful.
I have been selfish and self-absorbed.
I am still so many of these things right now, today, this very moment.

Because of the weakness of your human nature, I am using the illustration of slavery to help you understand all this. Previously, you let yourselves be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin. Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy.
Romans 6:19(NLT)

Here it is in a nutshell: Just as one person did it wrong and got us in all this trouble with sin and death, another person did it right and got us out of it. But more than just getting us out of trouble, he got us into life! One man said no to God and put many people in the wrong; one man said yes to God and put many in the right. Romans 5:19(The Message).

I am very thankful today for Jesus and his life.

Now, after all of this. I need to start living up to the prophetic name I was given last year. Until I do, walls and sin will continue to build up around me.

A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:10-17(NLT)

Blessings.

Happy Birthday! a day late...

2007-05-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

First things first...

Happy 7th Birthday(yesterday)to my beautiful niece, Brooklyn!! Seven years doesn't seem very old, yet it seems like so long ago!! I wish I could be there for your bowling party - have TONS of fun! I love you!! ;)

Christian Spirituality

2007-04-30T14:21:00.000-05:00

I am currently reading 'Blue Like Jazz' by Donald Miller with my Sunday School class. We are about 1/2 way through the book and I must admit, for my second read through, I am really enjoying it. This time through I'm being careful to take the time to read all the words(sometimes I skip some!)and have a highlighter handy for underlining(the first time I read it the book was borrowed).

Some quotes:

"the Bible is so good with chocolate. I thought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate things."

A friend recently brought me some good Cadbury chocolate(its expensive here). I plan to make sure I have some the next time I sit down with my Bible!

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"It feels like I have to fight against this force, this current within me that, more often than not, wants to avoid serious issues and please myself, buy things for myself, feed myself, entertain myself, and all of that. All I'm saying is that if we, as a species, could fix our self-absorption, we could end a lot of pain in the world."

Been thinking about self-absorption a lot lately. I am definitely one self-absorbed girl. Some changes are in the mix.

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"I want to tell you this part of what the Christians are saying is true. I think Jesus feels strongly about communication the idea of our brokenness, and I think it is worth reflection. Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror."

Have you looked lately?

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"This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God."

Many years of my life were spent being "religious." All it brought me was a few social acquaintances and a church that could care less about where I'm at with regards to intimacy with God. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7

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Finally...

"Satan wants us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reasons."

Enough said. Knowing this, how can we possibly continue to waste so much of our time?

yo-yo-ette

2007-04-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

This is a dedication to my beta fish, yo-yo-ette.

You see, some people*namely Tash and Meghan*are very disrespectful to my lovely, very pretty, blue beta fish. Apparently it is because they are showing "concern" however, I think that my wee fish now needs a little therapy. At times this weekend she hasn't swum around as much as she usually does. In fact, right now she's just lying there in her bowl looking a little lifeless. This, I believe, can only be attributed to the amount of "concern" that certain people have been showing her in these past 24 hours; talking as though she's on her last leg(if a fish had legs!)and about to die.

Well HEAR THIS: yo-yo-ette is fabulous! She loves her life and is happy to be swimming in the little bowl with some dirty blue gravel(even if I don't clean the water weekly like they tell you to on the directions!). She enjoys watching me as I eat my dinner, and yes, sometimes I even talk to her(should I be admitting that?). Anyway, she's a happy fish. There is no need for concern.

End of story.

staring into oblivion

2007-04-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

Ever have those days where you can't get anything straight in your head? Where you just sit and stare at nothing for endless amounts of time? That's kinda how I'm feeling at this very moment. As though I have things to share, and yet, can't seem to share them.

I mentioned a few posts back that I've been having a recurring dream. I love how God, in His infinite glory gives revelation into things when we are faithful to Him. He has definitely been showing me that through this all. He has given me a warning and commanded me to pray. In the past few days what to pray has become more and more obvious.

As I was praying the other night I was guided to the book of Isaiah 43:2

"When you go through deep waters,
I will be with
you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you."

God's promises, once again. As I doubt, He reminds me.

What a mighty God we serve!

Blessings.

facebook

2007-04-23T13:07:00.000-05:00

do you see the facebook plug on the sidebar of this blog?
i am sure you do.
facebook....facebook...facebook...
its everywhere.
i am now in contact with people i haven't seen in 15 years.
that's a little scary.

i believe i am a little addicted.
it may get to the point where i just shut out facebook all together.

NAH!!